Dear Christine:
I AM TIRED but my husband has no time for me. He goes out every night and does not come back until the next day. This happens more often than not. Those times when he comes back, he gives me his back when we are in bed. I am young and I have feelings. In fact, I am 27 and he is 32 years old.
He just wants me to stay in the house, clean and wash. All he wants to do also is change his clothing and go back out when he comes in. I had to let him know that the same way he can have other women I can have someone as well because I am still young.
Christine, I find it hard to bear when all he does when he comes in is lay down by me giving me his back. This has been going on for close to two years.
When he is going out at night and I ask him where he is going, he tells me he is going to work, but I know that is not true. If I ask him to take me out he’ll say he is going out to come back then I would not see him until around 3 a.m.
If I tell him I want something for the house he never has the money.
So, tell me, what am I doing with a husband like that?
Before we were married he was very nice but since we got married he has changed. We have no children, even though I’d like to have a child. I am relatively attractive and I am doing everything in the house to please him. I hardly ever go anywhere. Â
Every time he comes home I am there. I love my husband a lot but I just cannot stand the way he is treating me. I saw him with a woman in his car and when I asked him about it, he said it was a friend he was giving a drop to.
Dear Christine, please tell me what to do. I cannot take it anymore. He does not want me to talk to anybody. Yet, he is reluctant to have sex with me.
Please help me.
– W.D
Dear W.D:
 I feel tempted to tell you your marriage was over two years ago when your husband starting giving you his back, but because I believe there are some questions which need to be asked, I still think you should make one last try to salvage what’s left of this union.
When he gives you his back, what do you do? Are you telling
 me that unless he makes the first move, there is usually no lovemaking between you two?
You also said you have no children. Sex and children usually go together and since there is no sex, hence….
I also note there seemed to be a communication problem. It appears that you ask pointed questions and he supplies you with short answers.
Your current life is a pathetic one, but it does not have to stay that way. You have obviously recognised the futility of trying to eke
some kind of happiness out of this union because your husband is not a lover, provider, a friend or companion.
You need to make it clear to him that you are not prepared to live your entire life under these conditions. As it is, you’re a prisoner and a servant.
If your husband cares about you he will change. Ask him, for instance, if he wants to see a counsellor.  Â
Remember, you are trying to make things work. If he does not change after your last attempt to save this marriage, you might as well make a new life for yourself. If it is not possible to leave, find other interests.
I am not suggesting you get involved in another relationship; that would compound things even more.
I’m thinking more so that you can join an organisation, voluntary group or church group which will help you mix with some caring and interesting people. Both of you are way too young to be living as you are.
Charting your own course – if nothing changes – may be the healthier thing to do.
– CHRISTINE