I HATE MEN. I had two boyfriends in my life and they turned out to be the scum of the earth. I tried to be so careful in my choices, but still got burnt.
Now I fully understand what my mum meant when she talked about every action in life has consequences. If you go out with certain types of men, prepared to be used, then dumped.
From hearing about the experiences of other women, some of whom I knew, I realised there was wisdom in my mum’s words. So I tried as much as I could not to go out with those who were married, those already involved, or players.
As you would appreciate, though, your emotions aren’t carved out of stone, so now and then when I met someone who fitted into this group, I would persist in getting to know them, though mindful of my mum’s advice.
Most times they came to naught, until I met the guy who eventually became my first real boyfriend. He was involved with someone else but we became friends anyway because we got along really well. That we worked together led to us getting to know each other even better and being able to develop a really intimate relationship.
Knew I was wrong
I knew in my heart I was wrong to be with him, given that the other girl in his life was pregnant for him. But the amount of time we spent together between at work and going out, it was clear he was telling the truth that the two of them were not involved.
He said they had sex, she became pregnant, and that was the only reason she was in his life so to speak. He had to live up to his responsibility.
I really loved this man and even after the baby was born and he started spending more time with the child, I still held out hope that we would be together. But after nearly three years of promises to leave his child mother, he got her pregnant again. I found out when she came to our workplace with his little girl.
When I saw her I nearly passed out.
There I was foolishly believing that he was only going by her to be with their daughter, when in truth he was dealing with her again.
I could see the pleasure in her face watching me squirm because she knew I had him, and she only came there to make sure I knew that she was pregnant again for him. She wanted everybody to know so they would laugh at me. I felt so bad.
But what really hurt me most about finding out he was lying to me was his stupid excuse to defend his actions. He told me his daughter wanted a baby sister so that was why he got his child mother pregnant again. Can you believe that? He destroyed everything we shared with that lie. To this day I hate him.
So I went off men one time. I was 23 going on 24 then, and never started talking to anyone again until I was 27.
I never used to go out with anyone, nor did I have casual sex with anyone. For those years I just kept to myself and only went out with other females.
That’s how I met boyfriend number two. He was a friend of a girlfriend. She told me he was a nice guy and his last girlfriend left him because he was always working.
Afraid of him being on the rebound, I kept my distance. But he had a way about him that was difficult not to like. Though he was a big guy he always dressed nicely, and was a great conversationalist.
He was a workaholic for real. He worked around the clock, which I didn’t like. Men like that are usually players, but still I saw nothing in him to suggest he was like this.
Anyway, after about four months, we became a couple. In no time I was so into him that I could not understand why I was so cautious in the first place.
He was fun to be with. He tried his best to make me feel wanted and appreciated. I could not believe any man could be this good.
But true to form, if it seems too good to be true, then it often is.
I realised that though he paid me all the attention I wanted, he would always go to his “cousin” whenever he wanted him. He told me they were very close as they had grown up together, went to school together and were in business together. Given all of that, I had no problem. At least he was not two-timing me.
Well that was what I thought until I met A’s ex-girlfriend by accident in town. She told me to be careful with A because he liked men as much as we did. What’s more, his so-called cousin was really his lover. That’s why she left him.
I wasn’t sure how to process her story. My first thoughts were that she was lying and trying to break us up. But a mind told me to go unannounced by his cousin when they were together and surprise them.
I did just that. I gave him a half-hour start, then drove over there. As the house had no fencing around it, I went around it until I came to a slightly ajar louvre window where I could hear their voices. After listening to their conversation for a while, it was clear that they were intimate.
As much as I tried, I could not hold in my emotions. I cried out, which brought them to the window.
He had me feeling so dirty that I told him off for using me, then drove off.
Thankfully I was not infected with anything. But to this day I can’t get myself to trust another man.