DEAR CHRISTINE, From time to time I see men writing to you and I somehow feel as a woman (whom I presume you are), you’ll help me to understand my wife or get her to understand me.
We have been married for 15 years and have two children. At this time of our relationship, our sex life is nearly non-existent. I know that sex is not everything but it does help a marriage along.
My wife is not interested in sex more than once a month and sometimes longer – if she is interested at all. She never makes the first move, which makes me feel I am not wanted.
She thinks making love is best in the dark, in bed and in one set position. I am not a sex maniac but I feel there is room for variety. We are missing out in this area of our lives.
With things as they are, I am beginning to feel that I cannot be bothered to approach her. As a result, I am often sulky towards our children who should be the last people to suffer. I cannot discuss this with my wife.
– R.J.
Dear R.J., Why can’t you? What is she likely to do? Walk out of the room or start yelling at you? Whatever I say, you the person living with her are the one to bring up the subject sooner or later.
Why shouldn’t you and why not now?
Sexual coolness or refusal can be a wife’s most efficient form of marital warfare. It serves to tell you she is angry or depressed. There are too many women who are brought up to think of being wives and mothers as something essentially respectable and decent, and this is just what sex is not.
That attitude unfortunately can be confirmed by an insensitive man. Anyhow, get to talking and then listen. – CHRISTINE
