DEAR CHRISTINE, Since I was 17, I’ve been seeing a man. At that time he was not divorced.
After his divorce, he put me in a house although he lives at his mother. He spends a lot of time with me but he does not want children from me. I know if I only miss and a get a baby, he will leave me.
Many times when he comes by me, he brings his six-year-old daughter from his ex-wife. I do not get along well with her, as she is thoroughly spoilt. Practically every time they are here, he has to call the mother. I can’t help thinking they don’t talk to each other like divorced people.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, but my problem is, he means a lot to me and I feel I can’t leave him. Can you help me to get over him?
– T.J.
Dear T.J.,
You have me a little baffled here. How can you say he means a lot to you and yet you’re asking me to help you get over him? The two don’t seem to go together.
The reality is, I don’t see much of a future for you with this man. There are only two remedies for a situation that makes you unhappy. Find out if it can be altered; if not, get out of it.
The latter may be hard to do, seeing that he has put you up in a house.
How can you escape? If you are honest with yourself, you’ll realise that more than anything else, the fact that he has put you in a house is perhaps the reason why you find it so hard to quit – if you really do want to.
Also, it is expected that he will have commitments to his previous family, but is he hoping that you’ll share these with him forever instead of having a husband and children of your own? Why don’t you ask him?
I feel that unless he can convince you by deeds and not words that you and your future mean a lot to him, you’d be throwing your love away to stay with him.
Meanwhile, make sure for your own sake that you don’t get pregnant. A baby won’t solve your problem at this stage.
– CHRISTINE
