DEAR CHRISTINE, My father died five years ago and my mother recently remarried to a man I just cannot stand.
It is because he teases me. Or it could be that I would rather my mother did not replace my father so soon.
When I got married, I lived with her but now that she is married, my husband and I are moving away from their home. I feel as if I am being put out although we made the decision. It is a decision that would not have been necessary if he had not come into her life.
When we leave, I doubt we will want to visit the old home. My mother can come to our house if she feels like it. I hope she does, as it seems the only way she will see her granddaughter grow up.
I don’t think my mother suspects how we feel and I wonder if it is wise for me to tell her. I feel I will have to, as I don’t want my daughter thinking this man is her grandfather in any way.
– M.R.
Dear M.R.,
It would be strange if your mother did not notice your feelings towards her new husband.
I’m wondering what kind of daughter you are by adopting such a resentful feeling towards this man whose only fault seems to be that he is a bit of a tease.
It would be better if you would say outright that you do not like being teased than to nurse your resentment to the point of not wanting to see him with your mother at your home when you do move.
Moving is a good idea not because of the way you feel, but because it is always better when each family lives under their own roof.
There is no question of this man being your child’s grandfather but he can be a very important person in your daughter’s life depending on your attitude towards him in the future.
I feel that you resent this man for taking your father’s place. This is totally unfair. Would you really prefer that your mother continue to live a lonely life?
Enjoy her happiness in finding someone to love and care for her. It’s quite possible you will find more happiness in your own life since you wouldn’t have to worry about her.
– CHRISTINE