ONE OF THE GREATEST TRAUMAS a parent may have is dealing with the loss of a child.
But for Felisha Holder, the mother of Abijah Holder-Phillips who died in a car accident at the age of 11, the emotional pain is lessened by her belief that death is not finite.
Abijah met his death while he and his family were returning home from his primary school graduation on June 26, 2015. He had completed the Common Entrance Exam and passed for Queen’s College.
Felisha was the driver of the car which struck a pole at the entrance to Villages at Coverley, Christ Church, on the ABC Highway. The car overturned, Abijah was trapped inside and did not survive.
In an interview with the DAILY NATION, Holder opened up for the first time about the accident.
“It is hard to get his spirit out of my mind,” she said. “His toys and dinosaurs I still have in his room and I remember him when I am cooking his favourite food, or when I go through picture albums or watch a movie he liked.”
Abijah Holder-Phillips died in a car crash in 2015.
She said Abijah loved nature.
“In Class 4, the teachers focused on agriculture so I took him to a chicken farm a month before the accident and he said he was interested in something like that for a career. He wanted to rear animals or be a veterinarian.
“At home he raised land turtles, tortoises, birds and cats and now I look after them, which also constantly reminds me of his presence.”
She explained how therapeutic methods had helped her not to blame herself for his death.
“Maurva Moseley helped me with her insight and knowledge. She specialises in reiki therapy, which is a Japanese way of healing. It is administered by laying on the hands and is based on the principle of life as an energy force.
“Her sessions allowed me not to blame myself. But I am human, so there were times when thoughts like that crossed my mind. Sometimes I take myself back to the day of the accident and in retrospect, I think of all the things I could have done.”
She said that when the paramedics told here Abijah was dead, she was in total disbelief.
“But another part of me said, ‘Felisha, get a grip and deal with this’. People say I was strong but I have no recollection of that. I felt a higher version of me took over to help me.”
Death not the end
Holder, of Charnocks, Christ Church, said she had to think of Abijah’s passing differently to get over the grief.
“You tell yourself you are a good person and ask why me, but you have to elevate yourself from off of that third dimensional plane and see there is a purpose of self and death is not the end of things.
“We are energy and in physics we learnt energy doesn’t die, so when we pass out of our physical shells we cannot be dead in the lament way we understand death.”
She added that when she was writing the eulogy, she was doing so from the perspective of a mother. However, she had to rewrite it as several of Abijah’s teachers reached out to her, telling her how advanced he was.
“People came up to me and told me about their experience with him and made me change what I had. I was told he talked to women about their hair and organic things they could use to make their hair nicer.”
The fashion designer said her work had changed as a result, and she now meditated regularly and understood herself better.
“Because of the accident and my experience, my work has elevated. I not only present clean work to my clients but their garments are constructed as I study astrology, physics and philosophy.”
Felisha’s 15-year-old daughter, Ibriel Holder, also broke her foot in the accident. However, her mother said the Harrison College pupil was in good health and had a passion for Arabic and Korean languages. (SB)
