December, 1942: it wasn’t easy landing right in the middle of World War II. Cannons to the left of me, cannons to the right of me, volley’d and thunder’d. And that was just my six older brothers and one sister backfiring after a breadfruit and pear dinner.
On battlefields everywhere the Allies were up against it. And the Germans were winning the propaganda war. Paul Joseph Goebbels was successfully portraying his countrymen as the invincible master race.
Much in evidence was a technique called The Planted Lie. Based on Mark Twain’s observation that “a lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes”, Goebbels planted his lies cleverly. By the time denial came, the damage had been done.
Suddenly, a carrier pigeon landed on my cradle with a card: “Congrats on arrival of Number Eight!”
“I wonder who sent it,” my mother mused.
As soon as she turned away, I smeared wee wee on the back to bring up the invisible message: “Situation desperate. Save us – Winston.”
Ten minutes old and already on my first job. Quickly I scribbled a reply. British soldiers put condoms over their gun muzzles to keep out dirt. On my advice, Winston Churchill ordered that henceforth future shipments be labelled For British Servicemen. Eleven-Inch Condoms – Size: Small.
“That will show the Nazis who’s the master race,” he chuckled.
And it worked. When inevitably some fell into enemy hands, the Germans’ morale was broken and the war was as good as won.
Halfway round the world
In the Midweek Nation (May 2), David Comissiong says I characterized young Trayvon Martin as a “violent criminal”. Since every single report describes him as an innocent unarmed teenager, I would have to be a lunatic to make such a claim.
But Comissiong is halfway round the world and no one will bother to check.
I will admit, however, especially following Rudy Brome’s letter, that the Martin case was a poor choice on many fronts, given the racial component and the fact that Zimmerman ignored official instructions in order to play hero. My comments on “standing your ground” were intended to apply to genuine cases of self-defence.
Nevertheless, when the president of the trigger-happy United States declares it is his right to kill perceived enemies in any part of the world, a policy which results in many innocent, unarmed people being killed, it is hardly surprising that his own citizens will feel they can take similar action against anyone who could possibly be a threat.
It’s called a preemptive strike.
Two days after that letter, Comissiong was on the attack again. Newspaper columnist Richard Hoad, he wrote, termed his wished-for investigator a “foreigner”. Cuddear, Coms, every Nation report stated that you had called for a “foreign investigator”. I was merely quoting.
But what word would you have preferred, David? Maybe “alien” which is how I would be legally described in St Vincent? “Alien” suggests an investigator from Uranus. That could cause another big stink. Although, to be honest, I know nothing whatsoever about Uranus.
But why is David Comissiong suddenly on my case? I like the fellow. We have talked pleasantly. He sends me literature. In fact, I was banking on him getting me one of those Garrison cottages, all expenses paid for life, three bodyguards round the clock. And arranging for that very talented Guyanese girl from the area to let me sample her pepperpot occasionally.
So why? Friends, this looks very much like a Comissiong preemptive strike. Go figure:
Political pundits predict the Dems won’t win the next election. But Bajans won’t want the Bees back yet. David knew a PEP victory was a sure thing.
No doubt he had already picked curtains for Ilaro Court, fuchsia pink, and was being prepped for the role by his wife: “So, Mr Prime Minister, what are your views on euthanasia?”
“The youth in Asia,” he declares importantly, “need to get back to core values.”
Alas, out of the blue, disaster! He has got wind that the PEP won’t be the only alternative in town. Hoad is coming hard with an unbeatable line-up.
Peoples, look out for PHUP – the Pork Hoad United Party: when Dems and Bees got weak knees and the country shuts down Brup, play it cool and don’t get fooled, PEP can’t handle PHUP!
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email [email protected]
