WHEN WE WERE GROWING UP, duh wasn’t nuh television nor radio; as a matter o’ fact, we only got a radio in our house, a strange looking square wire-front thing – I think duh called it a Blaupunkt radio – wid a few knobs on the front, when I was about six or seven years old.
But some people in the neighbourhood had in Rediffusions, the ones dat used tuh be hanging in a corner by a chain, and every evening people who didn’t have a Rediffusion used tuh find duhselves drawing up under somebody window tuh listen tuh Portia Faces Life. It was a radio soap opera; evahbody knew and used tuh talk ’bout Portia Faces Life.
Then when I was in my early teens, some people start tuh put in television sets, the black and white ones. So the attention o’ the young people, especially, shifted from the radio tuh the television, and all the young boys used tuh be breaking down the windows o’ the few fortunate people who could afford televisions tuh watch Bonanza,
Dr Kildare and Dark Shadows. Some people used tuh move ’round duh furniture evah night and charge anybody who wanted tuh come in and sit down pon the floor ten cents fuh the night.
Then as televisions got more popular, in colour too, and more people started putting dem in, we started tuh see pictures like The Fugitive, Green Acres, Little House On The Prairie and dem kinda family pictures so. Next thing, the television programmes moved tuh a new level, and all of a sudden ya started getting the soaps. Pictures like Dallas, Falcon Crest and Melrose Place was the first ones tuh take over, and all o’ we did hooked. Ya couldn’t get people away from in front o’ dem TVs when any o’ dem pictures was on, hear?
But while some o’ we move on from the lot o’ scandal, lies, deceit, sex and evathing else and become more sensible, even though so-called sensible people could see dat these soap operas does only insult ya intelligence, duh got people who like duh become even more addicted tuh the soaps.
I nevah see nutten so in my life yet – I does call dem soap opera junkies.
You think I mekking sport? Look, duh got some people ’bout here who just love soap operas and does get on like the things real then. Ting, when you hear these soap opera junkies talking and carrying on ’bout some o’ the characters in the picture, you won’t believe dat it is only actors playing parts dat dem talking ’bout, not real life.
I remember talking tuh a few friends o’ mine in the States who tell me dat dem cahn do wid-out duh soaps, dem got tuh know wha’ going on and because dem does work during the week and doan get the opportunity tuh watch the daytime soaps, dem does tape dem and spend the entire day Saturday watching dem.
Wanting a life
You could imagine dah? Well I tell ya, tuh me dat is what I call wanting a life. And, look, dat ain’t all, ya know. If you think dat it does be one soap a day, you real wrong. It does be The Bold And Beautiful, The Young And Restless, All My Children, The Guiding Light and Days Of Our Lives; all o’ dem.
Talking ’bout the Days Of Our Lives, lemmuh tell ya, dat is something else. Dat picture does got big people who you would never think, running tuh get in front o’ a television anywhere tuh catch up pon the latest crap from Days Of Our Lives.
Look, some o’ these people does become so attached tuh this soap dat if you miss and get in duh way or try tuh change the channel when dat soap coming on, dem does get on like duh want tuh kill ya; some people does get on like you committing the unpardonable sin.
The other day I was in a salon and hear some young girls discussing the picture; if you hear how passionate dem was talking ’bout it, you would believe it was real. I hear one o’ dem say dat she cahn wait tuh get home tuh see wha’ gine happen tuh wicked Sammy and another one started tuh talk bout how dem believe dat somebody name Stephano gine kidnap the doctor woman.
All I coulda do was shake my head and t’ing. These is young girls I talking ’bout, hear? Not one o’ dem ain’t dream tuh be 30 years yet. I got a sister who does be so engrossed in it when the evening come dat you doan miss and call she when it coming on. Doan talk ’bout my neighbour at all. She just loves it.
The other day I shout and ask she if it is Days Of Our Lives she watching and hear she…..ya know! A good friend o’ mine tell me dat if she at her aunt when it coming on and she put on the TV tuh watch it, she aunt does get up and go outside and left she by sheself.
I ain’t know what it is about dead-ing and coming back; disappearing and reappearing; having amnesia and falling in love wid a man who ain’t look nuttten like you husband; pretending and fooling people dat you pregnant when ya ain’t, and then evah night, gine back and repeating the same thing. Dat would make me want tuh sit down evening after evening and waste my precious time tuh watch dah stupidness. Stupse!
• Mavis Beckles was born and raised in The Orleans. She has an opinion on everything.
