MARRIAGE is ideally supposed to last until death do you part. But as we know from the spiralling divorce rate in Barbados, that is definitely not the norm.
But when the ink on the divorce papers is dry, should a woman keep her husband’s name or continue wearing her wedding ring?
That, in essence, is our Secrets’ Corner question this week: Should a woman keep her husband’s name or continue wearing her wedding ring after a divorce?
Some readers who texted and emailed us felt that relinquishing the husband’s name was the right thing to do.
“What I think is that during the process of the divorce it should be mandated that the woman relinquish the husband’s name and revert to her birth name within one year,” one man said. “This will give her time for the transition. The rings should be sold and the proceeds equally divided.”
“She can keep the ring . . . but I want back my name even if I have to pay she for it – let her use back her name. She might disgrace my family name” – this from another man
Also from a man: “If you don’t want the man, why keep his last name?”
A woman’s take: “A proposal is an accepted agreement once you take the ring, and if broken the ring should be returned. If the marriage was that bad that you got a divorce, why would you keep the name or the ring?”
Some women felt that after a divorce it is better to sever all ties completely for the healing process to take place, particularly if the marriage situation was less than ideal.
“You need to get that man completely out of your life. Have no connections with him whatsoever because he will only take what is left of your sanity and blame you for any hardship that he encounters. Personally, I don’t know where my ring is [and] could care less . . . . As a matter of fact, I am not divorced yet but I’m using my own title. I do not want any memories of that emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage.”
“Divorce means that the marriage is over, I would not use his name and I certainly won’t wear his ring but if he wanted it back I would return it. Some men are selfish and would request to have back the rings.
I wonder if Elizabeth Taylor returned her rings to Richard Burton. I don’t think so. [They loved each other too much]; they just could not live together. People divorce for all sorts of reasons. If the diamonds are big enough and you love diamonds keep it.
But there are people who believe that there is nothing wrong with keeping the ring or the name.
“The rings are hers to keep,” responded a woman. “He can keep his or sell it. The name could be kept, especially if children are involved.”
Another woman: “I think it should be the couple’s decision. It shouldn’t be a law or anything. Let them come to their own agreement. Some people may not want to carry the name; some might – who knows?
But as far as the ring goes, the ring is hers to do what she wishes. So I’m not sure why that’s even up for discussion.
One text messager was particularly pointed: “Divorce is ending the marriage, so why should anyone want to hold on those trappings? Sell the rings – you can get a good price these days – and free yourself of the name.”
