Dear Christine,
MY LIFE IS in a total mess and I want, more than anything, to have it sorted out.
In 2010, I met a wonderful man who showed me in no uncertain terms that he really loved me. Our friendship was not based on lust. We dated for several months even before we became intimate. My friend lived with his mother when we first met and so I would frequent his family’s house most of the time.
A year into our relationship, his brother, who lived abroad, returned to the island. He was now included in many family get-togethers and it was as a result of this that we would chat and carry on some really great conversations. To cut a long story short, his brother told me one night how attracted he was to me and that I was constantly on his mind.
Of course, I told him I was his brother’s girlfriend, but I also admitted to him that although I was in love with his brother, I also had strong feelings for him. Since this confession between the two of us, things have become very awkward whenever we meet. He calls me as often as he can, which is almost every day, and we chat a lot about our feelings and other things.
My boyfriend has no clue that his brother and I are so close, but I feel as though I am cheating on him – even by just disclosing to his brother that I have strong feelings for him.
I am now a very confused individual as I have feelings for both of these men. I have even been thinking that I should break up with my boyfriend and get as far away from this family as I possibly can. I know I cannot get into a relationship with my boyfriend’s brother but, at the same time, I cannot continue being a part of this family. How do I handle this situation?
– DEBORAH
Dear Deborah,
It would appear to me that you’ve already found your solution to this situation you’re in. However, I am apt to think that what you’re feeling for this man’s brother could be pure physical attraction. It would also appear that the fact that you two enjoy long conversations could be the reason why you’ve grown so close so quickly.
While your plan may seem “a noble thing to do”, I believe you should put a stop to those telephone calls. You may be surprised to see how distant you two would become. If you truly love your boyfriend – and I believe you do – you should also tell his brother that you are committed in your current relationship.
If you do these things and the feelings are still strong, then you may have to follow through on your plans. Bear in mind, however, that either way, someone will be hurt.
– CHRISTINE
