Withdrawing as a technique has been judged harshly over the years by many so-called experts.
“It doesn’t work,” they tell you bluntly. What nonsense! How else would I have got three beautiful daughters and four most wonderful grands?
Yet these same experts will endorse that most impracticable concept of “forward ever, backward never”.
Today I make bold to declare that withdrawing is not only a most necessary technique at certain times; it has become a philosophy of life which has never failed me yet.
Thus while many of my university colleagues went in for heavy alcohol and cigarette usage, I stayed clear. I had no desire for marijuana even before the British Lung Foundation declared last month that “cannabis smoking poses a 20 times greater risk of lung cancer per cigarette than tobacco smoking”.
That is worth repeating: the most recent evidence suggests that smoking one marijuana cigarette per day is as dangerous cancer-wise as smoking 20 tobacco cigarettes.
Me, I learned long ago that we really don’t need any artificial aids to make us feel good or think deeply. We can release those inner feelings at will.
Withdrawing works for me in many other areas. When CLICO salesman Holly Springer showed me over and over the remarkable “guaranteed” bounty I could reap by investing in that company, I thankfully stayed clear.
While others complain of high airfares in the region, I ponder: why leave our Bajan paradise to sweat out airport security, risk crashing, eat unfamiliar food and sleep in a bed other than the one I was born in? Haven’t left the island since 1970.
And so on. I watch virtually no TV, want no part of Facebook, Twitter or the BlackBerry.
I do like showing the wife Internet videos on the computer, but is the frustration worth it? Inevitably she asks with ill-concealed impatience: “How long is it going to take to come up?”
Followed by an even more acid “Can’t you make it bigger?”
Those two exact questions featured prominently during what was euphemistically called our “sex life” era. I have no desire to relive them.
However, it is almost impossible to withdraw from some of today’s challenges. Sometimes, for example, you may want to travel from Point A to Point B. To achieve that on our roads nowadays without getting cursed or killed isn’t easy.
A few Sundays ago, I was third in line at the Hothersal corner by Kelsie’s which is now a major stop coming from Bibby’s Lane. Number Two obviously thought the first driver should have got out earlier, and blistered him in curse.
Nor did it end there. For when they got on the highway, Driver Two came over from the right lane to drive next to Driver One and continue the blistering.
I understand if you’re at the major stop in Jackson coming down from Tull’s workshop and a ZR is behind, the conductor will go down in the road, stop the traffic and call you out. If you don’t comply, you will get blistered as well.
I can’t live with that kind of pressure. Nor the trepidation which Ridley mentions at Bussa Roundabout. So the secret here is to withdraw “far from the madding crowd’s ignoble strife”:
Avoid all roundabouts, merge situations, multi-lane scenarios and traffic lights where possible. Chefette Warrens is out for me. Also Carter’s Wildey.
I haven’t driven in Bridgetown for maybe five, ten years. Last Sunday, however, I wanted to go to Linda’s Disco to get an antenna installed. But how to get there?
Linda’s, by the way, is the place for friendly service and great prices. Shrewd business sense too. The proprietor saw me looking at a bugle with a $150 price tag on it.
“I’ll give you that for $50,” he called out.
Could I resist a bargain musical instrument? No way! Now the grandchildren are deafening everybody with it and the wife wants to pay Linda’s $100 to take it back.
I don’t doubt he’s sold that bugle about 20 times so far! Anyway, in the end I got a loving daughter to navigate: turn here, take that lane, whatever. Afterwards she wouldn’t even let me go all the way up Broad Street to see if Nelson is still there.
Not me, ’bo! Next time I’ll pay the guy $200 to come over.
• Richard Hoad is a farmer and social commentator. Email [email protected]
