Dear Christine,
I HAVE LIVED with my partner for almost 14 years although we are not married. When we first met, we each worked and had a normal life. We bought a house and had lots of family around.
Then he was fired from his job for stealing. No charges were pressed so he decided to retire and travel. He said I was welcome to join him or stay home. I decided I loved him and nothing else mattered.
We’ve travelled and enjoyed a good life, but now I want stability. L, as I will call him, has some good qualities – he washes the dishes, helps with laundry and can fix anything.
The flip side is he refuses to get his vehicle licensed, has no insurance, and often won’t pay alimony to his ex-wife. He drinks almost every day and has a horrible temper.
If he were to ask me to marry him today, I could not. I don’t want to hurt him; but I want more. Is that so bad?
I believe I could have a much more meaningful life without him, but is that any reason to leave?
– UNSURE
Dear Unsure,
It’s all the reason to leave. Why are you settling for second best? You have obviously matured, but L is stuck, trying to avoid the real world.
If you stay in this situation, things are not likely to get better and you will become even less contented than you are now. After all, you’re not getting any younger.
You deserve to have a satisfying life with a law-abiding citizen who shares your values and desires.
You also deserve a husband – not a man who has lived with you for the past 12 years without any real commitment. Please, don’t you or anyone else tell me that by purchasing a home together and travelling together he has already committed to you.
He has not.
On the other hand, it is just as well that he is not the one you married. If he were, you’d be heading for the divorce courts instead of trying to wing your way out of this relationship.
Yes, you deserve much more. It’s time to move on.
– CHRISTINE
