Dear Christine,
Here is a situation I’d love a reply to. My husband and I are quite happy with our “sexual adjustment” most of the time,
That’s a funny term to use, but in a way, it is just how I feel. We do adjust to each other and it usually works out well. However, on occasion, I am just not interested in sex; but I’ve never been able to tell him because I do not feel it is right.
I go along with his desires but I hate it.
I suspect he knows I feel this way, because we always end up in a fight about something totally unrelated to sex; in-laws, money. Whatever! He goes off to work and I am bothered all day by something that I don’t quite feel is right. What should I do, or is there something anyone can do?
– HELP!
Dear HELP!,
Sorry to sound repetitious but you can just need to talk to him. What you two appear to have is a communication problem, even though you have just indicated to me that you and your husband can discuss almost anything . . . BUT SEX, of course!
There is nothing wrong with a man or a woman saying “I love you, but I am not just in the mood for sex right now. I would prefer to . . . .”
You may be married, and yes, both you and your husband must fulfill each other’s sexual appetite.
However, you are both individuals, and part of the “sexual adjustment” should be your ability to be honest with your husband about how you feel without making it seem as though you’re punishing him for one thing or another.
Your refusal to have sex on any particular occasion should not be considered a total turn off. Often, what a partner wants is reassurance of love and understanding. There is nothing wrong with hugging, holding and kissing. This need not always lead to the great fireworks in the sky experience.
If couples are able to express affection through touch, without either feeling he or she must have sex, life becomes easier – even sweeter.
Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings. Give it a try.
– CHRISTINE
