DEAR CHRISTINE, I’m 41 and a single mum. My first marriage lasted 19 years, during which my husband cheated on me three times that I know of. I have dated a few men since the divorce. I caught each of them lying to me, cheating on me – or both.
I am now seeing a man who seems to be an honest family man. However, I can’t bring myself to trust him. We have been seeing each other for a year, and I care about him deeply. But I do not trust him, and the truth is I don’t trust anyone – not even my own mother.
I’m not sure I know how to trust, and I am destroying my relationship with this man because of it. He has evening meetings and occasionally needs to travel on business, and I am making us both miserable. I do feel he’s an honest, God-fearing family man, but when it comes to our relationship, I’m unable to trust. Please tell me what to do.
D
Dear D:
No relationship can survive where thERE is no trust. There are billions of people in the earth, why would you allow a few bad relationships to stop you from being happy?
While you seem to have a good reason for not trusting men, you must know (and I guess you do) that you will ruin this current relationship if you continue on your current trend.
It is true that your reasons for not trusting men appear to be understandable, especially since your husband cheated on you multiple times and you’ve met nothing but liars and cheaters after your divorce.
But why don’t you trust your own mother? If you do not trust her, then how far back do your trust issues go? If you want to salvage this current relationship, recognise that you have a problem that won’t go away without counselling to help you understand where your trust problems originated.
Wouldn’t it be interesting if they had less to do with the men in your life than with your mother? You’ll never know until you look further – so before you chase this man away, explain that you realise you have been unfair to him. Ask him to give you patience and some time to fix the problem. He must care for you very much to have stuck it out this long.
CHRISTINE
