Dear Christine,
HOW WOULD you deal with the following situation?
I have a close friend who is more than 50 pounds overweight. She wears the trendiest clothes, styles her hair and make-up to perfection, and has oodles of male friends she’d love to be more than friends with, but has never been in a serious relationship.
When we go out with her male friends, they shower me with compliments and attention. I’m friendly, but never flirt with them.
It makes me uncomfortable that my friend – who I’m constantly trying to shift attention to by mentioning the “funny thing she did at work today,” or a compliment that she received at work, etc. – is obviously unhappy.
I love spending time with her, but feel like if I’m there she’ll get less attention and lessen her chances of finding a significant other. She has a wonderful personality and is one of the nicest people I know. I really want to see her happy.
I have even resorted to lying to her about men looking at her in a bar or fabricating compliments that I say I overheard a male friend say about her. It visually changes her mood for the better, but I feel awful for making it up.
I’m becoming exhausted trying not to show interest in her friends, “dressing down” when we go out so as not to attract attention, and lying to her to make it all better. What can I do besides avoid her altogether?
– YB
Dear YB
The very first thing I would do if I were you would be to stop telling lies.
It makes no sense raising the hopes of your friend, even for her to be rejected or become overly concerned that no male suitor has come along.
If you are a real true friend and you can see areas in your friend’s life that need adjusting, you are the one who should speak to her in secret about those negative things that may prevent her from finding Mr Right.
You said she was 50 pounds overweight. Why not speak to her about losing some weight? Or, offer to go exercising and walking with her?
It could be that she is looking in the wrong places for Mr Right – like in a bar. Maybe both of you need to change the environment.
– CHRISTINE
