Dear Nesta,I been walkin’ ’bout dis pas’ week, grinnin’ like Skinners mare, an’ my frien’ Philomena wanta know wha’ gine on, ’cause as far as she concern, dey en neffin to smile at – supermarket prices, ’stead o’ comin’ down, risin’ evah week, light bills higher dan a Easter kite, dem four lanes by Upton still confusin’ yuh head whenevah yuh got de misfortune to be in dah area, now de drought easin’ up ’pon we li’l bit, back come de snails playin’ hide an’ seek wif de bounty hunters, word ’bout de place is dat gangs linin’ up, an’ so it gine – so she now worried dat soon, muh address gine change to Black Rock!  I had to explain to she wha’ got muh in dis mood – min’ yuh, I en know how long it gine las’!’Girl, couple weeks ago, I cyahn tell yuh how please I was to read in de paper dat it seem we cries ‘gainst cars dat let off all dah black smoke, finally reach guvment ears, an’ de Minister o’ Transport  now mekkin’ it a “matter o’ urgency” to change t’ings. Now, you know, my motto is “action speak louder dan words” so I waitin’ to see dese fine words turn into law, an’ not en’ up in dah overcrowded file “Number T’irteen”! Ness, you would believe dah ethuh guvment had a Environmental Management Act ’pon de books fuh years, an’ en do neffin ’bout it, an’ all dis time, we breavin’ in all dah pollution dat en good fuh we healf! ’Sence de present guvment come ’pon de scene, dem admit legislation wasn’ in place to allow dem to intervene to stop dis pollution, but “plans were afoot” to set t’ings right. Well, dem plans seem to tek foot an’ walk right outta duh t’oughts! Imagine, between de two guvments, it tek all dese years befo’ we could get any relief, but, better late dan never!  I now lookin’ forward to seein’ how guvment gine enforce dis law, ’cause we Bajans is a law unto weself nowadays! I was drivin’ behin’ a car de ethuh day dat only God mercy an’ scotch tape hol’in’ it togedduh! De smoke dah car belch out, gine up a incline, had muh wonderin’ ef it was ketchin’ a-fire!  But de law gine tek care o’ all dat – right?      Nex’ t’ing, I onderstan’ people sufferin’ at de han’s o’ any criminal ’bout hey, gine now be able  to get compensation in any o’ de Law Courts!  Befo’, only Magistrates had power to impose anyt’ing, but dis amen’ment to de Ack gine change all dah. Now, Judges from all Courts got dah power to use as duh see fit! Is true criminals get sen’  up to Dodds, or pay a fine, or get bine over to keep de peace, but wha’ ’bout all de sufferin’ victims go t’rough – mental an’ physical? Victims don’ get half de consideration duh deserve. Dis is a good move!’Now, I is one body dat feel airfares fuh travellin’ de Caribbean much too high, so I was glad enuff to read dat Mr Adrian Loveridge from de hotel industry, been suggestin’ dat guvment look at reducin’ de high taxes ’pon airfares to encourage mo’ Caribbean travel! Fares really too high, doh! No wonder some people prefer to put few mo’ dollars to de $800 fuh Trinidad or $1 000 to Guyana an’ go to Miami or New York to shop. I hope guvment look into dis matter, ’cause as you know, I en got no jet, nor I en know nobody wif one to gi’e muh a lif’!’Jes’ imagine! A Orstralian cookbook had to get reprint by de t’ousan’s, ’cause a recipe fuh pasta was callin’ fuh “salt an’ freshly ground black people”!   De publisher say it was jes’ a silly mistake,  but nuff people din’ see it dah way, an’ was blue vex! I cyahn blame dem!                                                     Tek care o’ yuhself,  
 Yuh frien’ Babsie                      

HOPE ALL good mothers enjoyed a happy Mother’s Day. My brother and his son would have visited my mum, as they regularly do, but on such a special day probably gave her flowers and carried her out for ice cream.For all of her friends who ask about her, the situation is still the same. She has some type of senile dementia with memory problems, so it became dangerous for her to live in her own apartment, even with “assisted living” services. Jean is still slim and fit and capable of walking miles and getting lost.So she is living on a “rehab” floor of a controlled building and getting good care. There are no phone facilities in rooms and she is incapable of using or answering a cellphone. The one phone is at the nurses’ station and only one or two next of kin should call – and not frequently.Imagine if you were one of the few, very busy staff running up and down on a floor with geriatrics, the vast majority of them having to be spoon-fed, tubed up, electronically connected to monitors/machines, wiped, diapered, catheter-changed, sponged, medicated, and so on! And friends of a patient kept calling!If by some miracle, the dear lady’s brain improves, she will call relatives, friends and acquaintances. I know all of those who are reasonable will understand and accept what I am sharing.However, there are two demanding, controlling, dictators – one a distant aunt in Trinidad, the other a man my mum once worked with in that country – who keep calling me ad nauseam. This after I have said to both of them: “I never, ever, want to speak with you again. Do not call me. Goodbye!”I have no friendship with this man, although he says “he feels like my uncle”. Very creepy! The aunt rants and raves about our side of the family not being “saved” in her church, in spite of our being believers our whole lives. She told my mum and grandmum when my younger sister was murdered: “You know she is going to hell!”  When my mum had all her marbles in the right slots I begged her to tell these two to stop calling me. I have been staying with Jean when she cried after getting upsetting calls from these two people, or received newspaper clippings of kidnappings and murders in Trinidad!But she was too much of a lady to put her foot down.  I, however, have no such inhibition. I don’t care what auntie not-dearest or mock “uncle” think of me. There is no point badgering me after I have said “no”.One of the claims from this man was that he loved my mum. She replied she loved him too. Yeah, right! She was just being polite and mushy-headed. The last time I told her this man was still calling me, she said: “Oh my God, is he still pestering you?”I wonder what they are going to do when God calls Jean’s number? Jump into the crematorium fire with her corpse à la suttee?Dawn Morgan is a NATION Senior Reporter (Advertising) who thinks people with problems accepting “No” need to call professional help. Phone 430-5495. [email protected]

THIS TIME my friend woke me up at 4:30 in the morning. “Man, Harry, I can’t sleep, and I don’t see why you should either. Eternal vigilance, man! “I know that there are many allegations going around about me, but let me tell you something, according to a famous man, I know who the alligators are. “Chalkdust would have an easy time winning all the Crop-Over titles this year if he were eligible to sing. He would sing about 30 gentlemen and ladies playing the tuba.“I mean we elect people to run the country but instead of running forward, they appear to be backing back. Two years into election and both parties appear more concerned about winning the next election than fixing the blatant cracks in the society and the economy. “Central Bank makes a loss and no bird sings. Are not interest rates an important factor? And the banks ‘perlix’! In spite of the government spiking the economy, is the money not going back to government through the Treasury Bills because the banks are not offering better rates? “Who is suffering, the people or the banks? “Are we not going around in circles? All the while the foreign exchange is haemorrhaging as the primal cost of food, for whatever reason, skyrockets. Lack of productive projects and no foreign exchange, no Barbados Development Bank to help hotels, fishermen and small businesses with soft loans. “People come here and fool us about how lovely we are, but the locals stew and these same people take away foreign exchange in dividends and profits.  “Meanwhile the government preens about free bus rides, camps, community councils, bailing out Clico good and bad customers and employees at the expense of all the taxpayers. Peter paying for Paul. “Both parties can promise money to vendors as well as purchasers of ‘an you it ease’ but not of High Court orders. “Read dah fellow name What Matters Most last Friday called Baico is Clico. If it is true, it is frightening.“If a man 32 years old lick a woman 64 years old who stop to fix a tyre cross her head with a ‘two-by-four’, out her lights permanently, you think we should choose joining the International Court of Human Rights over abandoning the mandatory death penalty and carrying it out? Is the nebulous hope of preferential rates a fair swap?“We are in deep doodoo and instead of facing up to the issues we are squabbling about weaponry and lesbianism. We catch a few fellows smoking weed instead of cigarettes and court time is taken. On the other hand, people, guilty or innocent, languish for years in prison without trial. “The people are confused. They are crying out about the high cost of living but still can find money to pack the parking lot of the Globe Drive-in, to fill to overflowing Farley Hill, to provide a sell-out crowd at the Garfield Sobers Sports Complex. They can hardly walk, so laden are they with ‘bling’ and the latest garb; and the US dollars just sail away. “Never mind, we can borrow US$200 million more after borrowing $150 million to repay $100 million. That is worse than the HMP Dodds’ lease, it represents a 250 per cent increase in the loan of $100 million!“The police on the other hand are snaring dope peddlars every day as the speedboats line up like cruise ships to enter port. As fast as we catch them we lock them up, meanwhile we consider, like Bermuda, allowing gambling on ships so as to ‘prolong’ ship sojourn. Why not go the whole hog and permit gambling in the struggling hotels?”And he ‘hang’ up!At seven o’clock when I woke up, I rewound the tape and listened to the diatribe. He did not know that I was taping him, listening for “lese-majeste”. I had gone back to sleep. I obviously disagree with everything he said. I am not so foolish as to lose precious sleep listening to drivel.Harry Russell, [email protected]

LAST MONDAY, in sympathy with Bajan children who last Tuesday sat the 11-Plus, a three-hour test taken at age 11 [and in some cases ten] that decides their remaining threescore years, I began my own 51-Plus exam, doing the maths section of a practice test. Instead of doing the English as planned today, though, I want to touch something that will be irremediable this time next week: that self-inflicted torture at Kensington Oval disguised as the ICC World Twenty20 Super Eights.Now it’s not the cricket itself I’m talking about, though I don’t blame anyone for jumping to that confusion. T-20 cricket is to Test cricket what crank is to champagne. One pardner summed it up in saying: “I never thought I’d live to see international cricket played by the same rules as Upper 2A versus Lower 2B during break.” It’s instantly exhilarating and even more quickly forgotten. You bend over to tie your shoelace and miss an almighty six or spectacular run-out? Don’t worry, there’ll be another one along in two or three balls, like the No. 11 bus or political gaffes. This form of cricket trades under many names – T/20, Twenty/20, 20twenty, 20/20, T20, Twenty20 – because it needs a lot of aliases; because once you recognise it when you see it coming, you won’t watch it. Far worse, though, than what we must call the cricket in a family newspaper is the cacophonous din West Indians are passing off as “atmosphere”. It’s not so much an insult to as a denial of our intelligence. When we hosted the 2007 World Cup, the International Cricket Council peremptorily banned the drums of the natives; and we made damn sure all those life-threatening conch shells and terrorist-infiltrated steelbands were detained at the parking lot. And everyone complained how dull and un-Caribbean our World Cup was.And it seems we intend to claw back now all the 2007 World Cup noise we lost. It’s not a fete in there at Kensington; it’s madness. It’s not atmosphere, it’s an assault on the senses. I’ve been in quieter sheeting iron factories. You leave the cricket feeling you’ve been beaten inside and out, even if your team won. T20 being crap cricket is not sufficient reason to allow non-stop music; particularly when it’s not particularly musical. I love a traditional Bajan tuk band – a four-piece outfit consisting of bass drum, snare drum, tin whistle and a man in a green monkey suit who wants to get into the cricket free – but the one in the Three Ws stand was not so much creating a communal vibe as obliterating all resistance. If you didn’t scream and blow your plastic imitation conch shell noisemaker, you were unpatriotic; but it was all fake. You can’t impose a communal spirit from the bottom any more than you can dictate it from the top. West Indian cricket is bad enough now without West Indian support also collapsing. Chris and company prove, at every opportunity, they can limbo below our readily lowered expectations and their last dreadful score. We should not accept the reduction of ourselves to a bunch of empty vessels for others to beat. Our approach to this competition should not be to “Make Some Noise!” but to keep deathly quiet and make some fire-trucking runs.lBC Pires will be reported to the House Un-West Indian Affairs Committee.

Greetings to all Mothers!A gem is the best word I normally use to describe my mother as I salute all women. Readers are also encouraged to research the history of Mother’s Day, which was celebrated yesterday, to recognise its true significance. I suggest that this month we Barbadians focus on mothers’ health and fitness. It is every woman’s dream to be endowed with two beautiful breasts. At my age I praise the Creator for what was given to me. I am now more concerned with healthy breasts; the looks can come after. So every morning when we females awake, we must thank the Creator for crafting such beautiful bodies and then placing us in them.Additionally, we must avoid disrespecting our bodies and other human beings. We do not know where the next whirlwind will take us. Remember the saying “breast is best”. The breasts contains milk-producing glands (also called lobules or alveoli) which produce milk from the water and nutrients extracted from the bloodstream. Our breasts are fabulous gifts from nature.Their main function is producing milk for breastfeeding a baby. Therefore the talk of their being sexual objects only for nibbling during lovemaking must not override their main function. Thus, it may be better to avoid displaying them on billboards or using them as sensual toys. Our breasts are sacred; we must love and care for them. They are masterpieces.“Silent doctors” for breast care are fruits and vegetables. These foods consumed uncooked have healing powers that can alleviate many illnesses. They include spinach, broccoli and other dark green leafy vegetables. A cup of soursop, motherwort, passionfruit and annatto leaf tea can prove essential.   Eat plenty of Bajan cherries, grapes and pomegranates. Also consume raw or cooked linseed/flax seeds as beverages or to your liking. Eight glasses of water are also essential. Additionally, exercising and breast baths must never be forgotten.You should also get into the practice of conducting monthly breast self-examination. You can ask your caregivers to show you the technique. They would be glad to share it with you. I was taught the technique a few years ago because I had reached the age bracket for such routine testing. Breast examination is essential because many health challenges can affect the breasts, including breast cancer, fibrocystic breasts, nipple discharge and breast cysts.   I urge you to have no fear. Our Creator can work through us once we accept that something is wrong. Women who have treated their breasts badly must seek forgiveness. This is done by telling the breasts: “I will never treat you unkindly again, I am sorry”.We must commence educating teenagers about the importance of their breasts to creation. Make each day Mother’s Day, so that weekly when the family gathers, we can bless them and ensure they know the truth. They need us now, more than ever.This is essential because being diagnosed with any breast challenge is painful and shocking. But remember, the Creator is on our side, so seek guidance. If you normally treat your breasts well, congratulations!“When we seek, we shall find”. Remember, we must talk to each other more often. Avoid the heartaches and pains, nothing is personal. Breast diseases are common amongst us. We were created with the problems and are equipped with many healing solutions. Sisters, spend time researching our prized possessions: our breasts.