Dear Christine,
I never thought that I would reach this position to come to you for help. I am an avid reader of your column and love the advice that you give to people.
I have been in a relationship for five years where we were planning to be married next year. The date and location were already sorted and a deposit made to reserve the venue.
However, earlier this year my partner visited a neighbouring island where he spent a holiday with a woman from the same island. She spoke to me via phone and said they were involved for a few years and she would be coming back to Barbados later in the year to marry him.
On his return he cried and asked forgiveness then said she was lying, she only wanted to hurt me that is why she did that. We talked and I decided to forgive him because I think that I would not be able to go on with any malice in my heart.
We were back together and making plans for a future together, when he sent for her and brought her back to Barbados. Obviously this has destroyed me.
All he is saying is that he is sorry for hurting me and still loves me. I know that I can never go back. My pain is the betrayal, not being able to eat or sleep. This is so hard.
Is there a network out there for people like me? I want to be able and get on with my life, but it is so hard. At night when I can’t sleep I wish that there was someone to talk to and probably cry with.
If there is someone or an agency I would love to be able to get in touch with them. Please help me. At times it is so hard.
I have also invested in the building of his home which was supposed to be our marital home. Oh how foolish I have been!
– Broken-hearted “A”
Dear Broken-hearted “A”,
I feel your pain and truly sympathise with you. It’s hard to love someone unconditionally like you did and for them to throw those feelings back in your face.
Quite frankly, you are better off without him. He never respected you and does not know what true love is about like you do.
Broken-hearted “A”, you must stop beating up on yourself. You were not foolish; you gave unreservedly to the man you loved. You forgave his indiscretion when you learnt of it because of your capacity to love.
And for that you were not foolish either, as life is too short to carry around hatred in your heart for somebody. So please stop beating up yourself.
I strongly suggest you seek professional counselling, specifically from a trained psychologist. You need to confront your emotions and honestly deal with them.
I am not aware of a creditable network that deals specifically with emotional break-ups but if there is one I’m sure someone will contact me when your letter is published. After checking it out, I would then pass that information to you.
Lastly, I would advise you not to get into another relationship until you have resolved your feelings over this break-up. It is an easy mistake to make as you are very vulnerable now and could fall for a willing shoulder and a welcoming ear.
Also, don’t give up on love. That you devoted a lot emotionally and financially to your last relationship, shows how serious and well-intentioned you are when it comes to relationships.
There are a lot of men searching for a gem like you, so be strong – you will get over this and love again.
– Christine
