Dear Christine,
I feel as though I have no one else to turn to for advice so I’m coming to you.
You see, just over a year ago I was diagnosed with HSV Type-2. I had no idea how I contracted this disease because as far as I knew I always used protection with my former boyfriend who was actually my first. I was heartbroken and felt as though my life would end because, as you know, this is a disease I have to live with for the rest of my life and I’m just 20 years old. My life has just begun.
What hurt me most was that I had just got together with this guy and he is incredible; I felt as though I would lose him if he found out. So before I told him, I wanted to get my facts straight about how I was going to deal with it and how I contracted it.
I called my ex, and I told him about it. He had the gall to tell me he took off the condom on one of our last encounters but didn’t inform me of it because he knew I had this fear of getting pregnant before I was ready. I was so shocked.
I felt so cheated and angry. All I could’ve done at that time was cry.
So I waited a few days to get myself together before I told my present boyfriend.
I swore he was going to break up with me, but he said he would not as it wasn’t my fault. He said he’s in love with me and he isn’t going to leave. I was so relieved. I thanked him and cried.
Now this is months that has passed since that day and I’m the happiest I ever was in life. He’s everything I wanted.
He looks out for me and my family adores him. I love him so much. He did something not many men would have done by accepting me even with my disease, but sometimes I worry I might lose him.
You see, people with my disease may just have one time occurrences while others might have them regularly. Unfortunately for me, I have them regularly. Now every time we’re about to make love I stop him because I keep remembering what I have and I don’t want him to become infected with it. I love him so much and I know that he loves me, but I don’t want to lose him to this.
We talk about marriage and having children a lot. We even plan on starting our family from as early as the beginning of the New Year seeing that we’re both financially stable. I would love that more than anything but making a baby means having unprotected sex and I don’t want for him to contract my disease.
He understands how I feel but he’s saying we’ll find a way to work it out.
Christine, I have everything going good for me right now but I don’t know why I can’t get my mind to living a normal life and forget about this disease. Lately it has been playing on my mind and my best friend was suggesting that maybe I should’ve taken legal action against my ex for what he did to me. I didn’t think I could go through with all that drama, especially since I haven’t told my family about it.
Christine help!
What can I do to live my life normal and forget about this disease? How can I get the idea of losing my boyfriend out of my head?
– A
Dear A, As you have herpes simplex virus-2 and will have to live with this condition for the rest of your life, it will complicate intimacy. Given this, it is only natural for you to think that your boyfriend will get fed-up with having to take precautions each time and find someone else. But if he decides to do that, you can do nothing about it. You can’t make him want to be with you if he does not want to be.
I would advise you to love him and treat him the best you can. And as long as he reciprocates those feelings, enjoy his companionship. Don’t worry about what you have little control over. Remember, you are both young and events will take place that may cause you to have disagreements, but the intensity of your friendship and how well you communicate with each other will keep your relationship growing from strength to strength.
– Christine
