Tuesday, April 23, 2024

DE MARKET VENDOR: Bring de guards and CCTV too


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This week I pun de home front.
So much to talk about crime, fuh example, with de criminals pun de loose and de police hands full. Imagine a respected senator, sitting in she car outside one of de most upscale supermarkets in Bubbadus, and a man gwine rob she and injure she while trying to tief she cellphone! De fact that she does represent people and serve in de Senate is nuh concern fuh de criminal, he did want de phone, like if there is a shortage of cellphones in dis country.
Senator, I could only apologise fuh de disgusting conduct and advise yuh to do wha de Vendor does do and always lock de doors of any car you in!
Ah got a neighbour who also get rob in annuder supermarket car park a few months ago, handbag and money gone! Now de supermarket bringing in security guards to help out!
We gwine need more than a guard here or there, we need de CCTV cameras too and de Segways that de police and some security people cruise ’bout pun to help out in dese trying times!
We don’t know de half. A close relative get he tings tief twice pun de beach dis past week, nuh report pun dat! But when well-known people get rob it does really bring it home to we cause everybody does hear bout it! And when de supermarket got to bring in CCTV and more security guards, yuh know who paying fuh it?
A sign of de times.
And another sign of de times is my girl Rihanna!
She still still mekking headlines, more big hits straight to No. 1 and now she tekking it all off fuh Esquire magazine. Yuh know dat gwine be sell out over and over and den pun top ah dat she get vote de sexiest woman alive! She gone clear but she stirring up headlines all over, de latest being de statement that de C-word is used casually by all and sundry ’bout here!
I know some ah wunnah blue vex: “How she could say dat bout we?” I been saying it fuh a long time. There ain’t got a country in de Caribbean, well, maybe Jamaica, where people does curse as much as Bubbadus! And some of de nastiest words and phrases pun de planet, don’t bury wunnah heads people.
Roll down de windows and listen! Yuh know yuh in Bubbadus when yuh hear Brassbowl, when yuh hear ’bout mother C, when yuh hear a man calling pun de Redeemer to blind he! But not all ah we does cuss and dat is wah got some people vex!
So to my friends visiting do not use the C-word when you arrive at Grantley Adams International Airport, not to immigration, not to muh boys and girls de red caps, not to Customs, unless that C-word is commonwealth, currency, cattlewash, catspraddle as in West Indies cricket or cuckoo. Don’t use CARICOM, dat is a bad word!
And lastly, I see that we minister in charge of aviation in a little bassa bassa wid REDjet and he say that it was never de intention fuh REDjet to fly into the smaller markets and dat de Government of Bubbadus got to protect its investment in LIAT.
But dat is de same argument dat de folks in Trinidad did using bout Caribbean Airways in relation to REDjet and we did vex! Protectionism don’t wuk my people.
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now, you have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear!


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