Dear Christine,
Please help me with this situation that I am in. I have been married for the past ten years and I am the mother of a 14-year-old son, who is not my husband’s.
My son’s dad left for the United States just before I gave birth, and he never returned to the island until last year.
During his years overseas we communicated quite often at first, but then our communication was less frequent.
My son has visited his dad on three occasions and they hit it off immediately. He first saw him when he was six years old.
When my ex-boyfriend returned home last year the flames from years ago started to flicker. It was as though we were never apart.
We did not get involved but we both have accepted the fact that we still have strong feelings for each other.
Here is where it becomes complicated. He told me just two months ago that he would like the three of us to be a family, and he is willing to marry me if I would get a divorce. He wants to take me and our son to the United States to live.
Christine, since he told me so I have not been thinking straight at all. My husband is aware that he was on the island last year and that we communicated, but he is totally in the dark concerning the feelings that exist between us.
I do not know what to do.
My marriage is pretty secure, and my husband has always been fair and good to me.
I love him, and that’s why I married him in the first place, but how can I fight these feelings, which seem to be overbearing?
I need your advice.
– CS
Dear CS,
I am going to quote your words: “I love him, and that’s why I married him in the first place.” These words alone tell me that you are already in a happy marriage.
Why uproot your life at this stage? It is quite natural to have feelings for your ex as it is easy to relive memories and times shared.
However, you have already said your “I do” to “a good man”.
Let your ex know that while you have these feeling for him right now, you are not willing to break up your marriage, based on feelings – which may just be lust as it is.
Stay with your hubby and tell your ex it’s too late to consider marriage; after all you do love your husband, don’t you? Don’t grasp at the reflection in the water. It’s just that – a reflection. You already have the real thing.
– CHRISTINE
