EXPERIENCE HAS PROVEN to be the best teacher for Barbadian Carita D.
Not only has the South Carolina resident made a name for herself in the United States on national platforms speaking on women’s issues, but she is also a radio host and book author. Her bold approach to taboo topics, particularly in women’s issues has made her a favourite among women. Carita has lived much of what she relates to women, and that’s why her first book, Get Out The Box & Get A Life is filled with some real-life experiences that women can draw from. When EASY Magazine sat down with Carita D., she had lots to share.
What propelled you to write this book?
After I started the radio show in 2004, I realized that people, especially women, were looking for someone that could identify with them on an emotional level. The women who called in to the show came from all walks of life – doctors, lawyers, janitors, clerks, mothers, Caucasians, Indians, African American, single and married. They all had one thing in common – the need to have a close friend with whom they could share their hidden issues and not be judged.
I don’t claim to be some self-help guru or anything like that. I’m a woman who has been through some experiences and learned, by the help of God and His Word, how to deal with these issues effectively.
I have studied and used God’s Word as the catalyst to get healed in the emotional arena.
You were very candid in the book about your own journey of personal and spiritual growth. How did that journey affect your personal relationships with men?
Yes, I am very candid. I don’t think that’s a quality that’s widely appreciated when you talk about heavy-duty subjects like domestic abuse, addiction, abortion, divorce etc. But that’s the cross I’m prepared to bear to help women get free.
Yes, it has been a journey of personal and spiritual growth but not in the way that most people would think. You know, never in my wildest dreams did I ever believe that I could have the kind of healthy, well adjusted, balanced relationships I have with the men in my life. You have to understand that as a single woman, I meet men all the time, in different ways. I believe God’s Word on why I was created and that is to be an eventual helpmate to my husband. So, I am constantly evaluating my actions and reactions to the men in my life.
I treat them with respect and honor but I also don’t dishonor myself in order to do this. That’s a fine line, especially if the man is very strong in his authority or position. We women have to deal with men prudently.
The greatest wisdom that I can share is to treat every man you meet as if he were someone else’s husband and as if he were the priest of the home. Even if you don’t value God’s order of things, you should respect the way we were designed.
God knows I have a very high regard for marriage. I didn’t always see it that way but that was part of the journey – I had to get my thinking renewed. Now, I see men differently. They are to be ushered by us women into their destiny. Although they often attempt to hinder us when we correct them (in private please, ladies) they still appreciate us for helping them to come up higher.
Do you think that it is easy for some women to become caught in a cycle of abuse in relationships?
There are so many women who exist every day surrounded by chronic emotional abuse which eventually leads to acceptance of physical abuse. If a woman has been exposed to a father who mistreated her mother, then what do you expect? Here in Barbados, it is a very machismo society. Men are not taught how to value women. So, if Daddy comes home, does his due diligence with the family, and then leaves every day and no one can ask him where he is going or when he will return, then that is emotional abuse. Why? Women worry when men don’t come home. If you deliberately and intentionally inflict pain in an emotional arena, then it is emotional abuse. What harm is it to give someone information that will give them peace? As a result, women learn to exist and function in a dysfunctional relationship. That’s the cycle.
What is the biggest difference in the person you are now than say the person you were 10 years ago?
Ten years ago, I was on a quest for knowledge. My poor self-esteem had caused me to make bad decisions regarding my career and my relationships. I knew that there were millions of women out there like myself because self-help books were being sold in record numbers. Back then I read every book that spoke to me about women’s issues and I compared it to what God says in his Word. Today, I am rooted and grounded in my belief system.
Rejection is no longer a hard pill to swallow. Actually, I embrace it because I’m in good company – Jesus’. Today, I find myself more empathetic and analytical. I want to know why a person is the way they are and what brought them to that state. None of us is perfect.
Some of us just have more information than others. I love me! I couldn’t say that 10 years ago but today I can honestly say I really love myself. I may not like some circumstances in my life but those are always going to be variables. I am fully convinced about what God says about me that I even look at rejection differently.
If you say that you don’t like me or that you don’t see the value of having me in your circle whether it’s socially or professionally, I am not moved from my position. I respect your point of view but it does not alter my opinion about myself in any way. As a result, I am totally at peace and that’s something that most people who counsel with me want to experience in their lives. When you have the ability to sleep peacefully at night in spite of the challenges and storms, then that is a clear indication that you are emotionally free.
