Monday, April 22, 2024

Don’t elect fat, grease, sugar


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Rock of Ages, cleft for me/ Let me hide myself in Thee/ Let the water and the blood/ From Thy wounded side which flowed/ Be of sin the double cure/ Save from wrath and make me pure. – Rock of Ages, Reverend Augustus Montague Toplady, 1763, first published in The Gospel Magazine, 1775.
IT IS INDEED a pleasure to hear this song being sung during this season. It reminds me of our ancestors, the trans-Atlantic period of enslavement and any silent doctors that made the journey with them. Silent doctors are the talk of the town as everyone tries to ascertain information about preparation and usage.  
Last week, Barbadians were in campaign mode and voting for a new Government. I congratulate the new Government and wish them well. However, voting in silent doctor land is now in its last stages. The candidates for the The People’s Health and Wellbeing Party (PHWP) – corn, cabbage and eddoes – were already presented to readers and their manifesto was impeccable.
Over in Surgery Road the candidates for the opposition party – the Grease, Unholistic and Unhealthy Party (GUUP) – were busy trying to convince the people to vote for them. The candidates were sugar, fat and pig tail.
When fat attempted to mount the stage, her slippery nature made the task impossible. Speaking from crowd level, fat informed the voters that her No.1 plan was to ensure that high cholesterol, ulcers, digestive problems and obesity remained paramount in society. This was received with mixed emotions. It is also good to note that the more fatty foods are consumed, the more the liver and pancreas may be inhibited in synthesizing bile and lipase for digestion. Overindulgence in fatty foods can cause gastrointestinal distress.
Sugar mounted the stage next and spoke about his plans to ensure that obesity, diabetes, skin problems, yeast infections, insulin-related challenges like high blood pressure, sodium retention and osteoporosis remained in the society.
Pig tail, the most liked candidate, was too intoxicated with salt to speak to the crowd. When he did manage to speak for two minutes he said voting for him would mean more health challenges, especially obesity and high blood pressure.
Those candidates then invited the crowd to use the Internet to verify the claims about a rise in related health challenges if they form the next government.
Meanwhile, the silent doctors who were being sold in trays outside the meeting were happy to hear that fat, sugar and pig tail had spoken the truth about themselves.
However, they were deeply saddened to hear voters whispering, “Silent doctors, nah!! Pig tail getting my X come Monday morning!” Read how they voted next week.
• Annette Maynard-Watson, a teacher and herbal educator, may be contacted atsilentdoctors@ or call 250-6450. 
DISCLAIMER: It is not our intention to prescribe or make specific health claims for any products. Any attempt to diagnose and treat real illness should come under the direction of your health care professional.


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