Thursday, April 18, 2024

Girlfriend always texting her ex


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Dear Christine,
I am a man in my late 30s and I have been in a relationship now for just over a year. I have a serious problem in my relationship and would like your advice.
My girlfriend loves her cellphone. It’s not that there is anything wrong with that; she has a lot of friends with whom she keeps in contact.
However, my problem is this: she has kept all the numbers of her previous boyfriends and always has some reason why either she contacts one of them or they contact her.
Just recently we were at home watching television together when I realized she was typing on her phone and then turning it face down in her lap. A minute or two later she would read the screen and do the same thing again.
I questioned her about it and she said it was one of her workmates. After questioning her repeatedly, especially about her suspicious behaviour, she finally admitted it was one of her former lovers.
I was annoyed and hurt, especially since I love her so much and has never given her any reason to doubt that. Also, she had told me how badly she was hurt in previous relationships – particularly the last one.
 As it turned out, it was indeed this same guy she was talking with.
Since this event, I have noticed that wherever she moves around the house, her phone goes with her. It is never out of her sight. I have never snooped into any of her property as I believe that in any relationship, there has to be that foundation of trust.
We have had conversations that most of the times have ended in arguments about her constant use of the cellphone and she accuses me of not wanting her to talk with her friends.
 This has caused me to take a hard look at our relationship.
I love her and will not deny that, but I am seriously unsure as to whether I should stay in this relationship or get out. I don’t have a lot of friends and none with whom I would want to share this problem. Can you advise me?
– Annoyed and Conflicted
Dear Annoyed and Conflicted,
I would admit that you do have a problem on your hands and that your girlfriend should be more sensitive to your feelings, especially when both of you are seeking to spend quality time together.
It is not always necessary for an individual to stop all communication between his or her former partner/s when they find themselves in a new relationship. However, there must be boundaries and your girlfriend has seemingly failed to set up the necessary boundaries.
I know how frustrated you must be because nothing could be more annoying than trying to gain someone’s attention – especially during quiet times together – and that individual is focused on a cellphone.
Many relationships have gone sour because of social media and it seems like yours will too unless your friend takes the initiative and turns off the cellphone when you are at home together, or simply answer the phone if it is turned on and just take a message.
That she sits and texts consistently must be even more frustrating.
I know you love this woman, but she is displaying bad manners and a lack of respect. If she refuses to change, you may just have to walk away from this relationship.
It makes no sense, neither is it good for your health, to be annoyed constantly and live with this kind of conflict in your life.

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