Monday, April 22, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: Am I pestering boyfriend too much?

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Dear Christine,
I am a 32-year-old female and have had a lot of problems lately. Without my boyfriend’s moral support, I think I would have had a complete breakdown.
Among the things that brought me to this state is the loss of my father over two months ago. My boyfriend became my backbone and I leaned on him for much moral support during that time. However, Christine, things have changed. I have become aware of a strange coldness in him and he constantly makes excuses as to why he is not there when I need him.
 I do not see him as often as before, as his visits have decreased in recent months and he spends lots of time playing football.
He told me he has been very busy at work and that he wanted more time for himself. Prior to all this, I would see him at least five days a week. Now, it’s only two days, and his weekends are not always spent with me as was the case.
I have to be honest with you Christine, when he is not around, I keep track on him and sometimes I pester him by always calling his cell phone. I don’t want to say that I have made this man my crutch, but perhaps I have, without fully realising it. I have even accused him of having another woman even though I have absolutely no proof of this.
What do you make of my situation?
– S.T.
 
Dear S.T.,
I believe that you have made this man your crutch and that in so doing you have become his responsibility moreso than his friend and lover.
Judging from what you’ve written, I also believe that your constant pestering has turned him off and may be the reason why he needs some time for himself.
In short, this is what I am saying: if you continue to pester him, mistrust him and constantly feel the need to always have him at your beck and call, you will run him away altogether.
Stop marking time. While he is trying to stay focused on those things in his life that are necessary – like his job and his love for football.
 I recommend that you try building your own life and stop building it around him.
The loss of your father must have been heartbreaking, and I offer my sympathy, but don’t lean so heavily on your boyfriend that you both topple over.
 Give him his space and be more understanding of his feelings. Also, you should do something really special for him – after all, he has been there for you in your time of need.
– CHRISTINE
 

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