Dear John,
My parents have been married for 28 years. Over the years dad and mum have grown closer and now they seem to have a beautiful happy relationship. John, I am especially concerned over the friendship between my father and my mother’s best friend. She and my mother went to school together and she was maid of honour at my parents’ wedding.
She is now a widow having lost her husband about five years ago. John, she and my father are very close, they do so much together, shop, go to lunch and sometimes even go to shows. My mother approves of all this and knows whenever and wherever they go.
John, I am a 26-year-old young woman, quite mature and intelligent but my sixth sense tells me that their friendship is too close for comfort. I have never seen them in any strange or funny activity but I do not trust such relationships. You see I lost one of my boyfriends to my best friend and now I do not and will never ever trust any woman with a man of mine again, I want to share my suspicions with my mother but I’m afraid cause I do not know how she will react. I dare not raise anything with my father [because] he may consider me rude and out of place. My mother has complete trust in her friend and my dad but I do not trust such friendships. Dear John, please tell me how to handle this situation. I am becoming more and more suspicious.
– Suspicious Daughter.
Dear Suspicious Daughter,
At 26 you still have a lot to learn about human relationships. Perhaps you can learn something from your parents and the management of their friendship:
(1) Although we live in a generally immoral world there are still persons who have high ideals and live their lives guided by honesty, trust and principled behaviour.
(2) She is not only your mother’s best friend she is also both parents’ good friend. They have known her for many years. She participated in their wedding in a special capacity. You say she is a widow. Don’t you think that her best friends should offer her comfort and emotional support as she tries to grieve and rebuild her life. Come on young lady, do not let your experience with your girlfriend be the only principle on which you build your life.
(3) Do not raise any negative or suspicious thing with your parents who have a happy marriage. See what you can learn from them about the development and conduct of genuine and mature friendships. Remember sexual intimacy and infidelity are not the only byproducts of friendships. Genuine love and care are needed for the restoration of emotional and psychological comfort and welfare after loss or bereavement. The behaviour of your parents is an excellent example of what should be done when friends need a shoulder to lean on in times of crisis.
(4) Kindly respect your parents and learn from them. Do not ever imagine a loose lifestyle unless you have some reason or some unseemly behaviour to go on or to be influenced by. Please live and learn to observe mature adult handling of sensitive situations.
Good luck as you continue to grow and mature.
– John
