Dear Christine,
My wife and I are always fighting and then making up in bed.
We have terrific sex and we seem to get more out of it than my friend and his wife, but he tells me that our battling and then resolving our quarrels with a great sexual encounter and wonderful replays is all wrong.
He says sex should not be mixed up with anger and that we need to talk to a professional.
However, as long as we do not harm each other, what’s wrong with our way when we find it so exciting, it brings us together and it makes for good sex?
– B.N.
Dear B.N.,
I’d have to say nothing is wrong. You’ll probably have a long and happy sex life – as long as you do not run out of things to fight about!
In addition, as long as it is really the way you say it is and you don’t harm each other, I guess it is okay.
There is a kind of marital strife that never approaches physical violence. Clearly, you two seem to have an understanding.
I will seldom have anything negative to say to married couples who tell me they are having great sex. In fact, I do not read anything sinister into your question.
I feel pretty sure you are not asking me to warn you or help you. Perhaps the thought has crossed your mind that I’ll tell you that your relationship is all wrong, against some rigid set of rules.
I have no rules except there should be pleasure, happiness and no harm done.
My only concern would be what happens when you run out of things to “fight about”.
Will the sex still be so exciting? I’m also hoping that you don’t have to fight in order to have good sex. That could suggest some underlying issue.
Or, perhaps, it may just be your way and your wife’s way – whatever works for you.
I do not take your marital style that you enjoy so much with your wife as kinky or sadomasochistic. Instead, I see two feisty grown-ups enjoying life together the way they like to enjoy it.
I would not take your friend’s advice too seriously. Why fix something if it is not broken? From where I sit, you and your wife do not need marital counselling, professional or amateur.
– CHRISTINE
