Dear Christine,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have two children. We’ve had our rough spots, but I always thought we could work through them.
I thought our problems stemmed from money because we never have enough. We’ve also had high stress levels due to my husband changing his career and his regular moving. But, again, I thought we could work through the difficult times.
Quite recently, we were talking about how we just weren’t making it and that we may have to consider divorce. In that heated discussion he revealed he’s been sleeping with other women since the first year of our marriage and that he has had five different affairs – one ongoing. I also discovered the reason why we’ve always been in lack: he has been spending his money on weekly full body massages.
His confession has shocked me. I’ve gone from feeling hurt, angry and depressed to longing to work through this, then back to anger and hurt. He has agreed to seek counselling, but I believe it’s too late.
Truly, I thought (as did family and friends) that he was a wonderful husband who loved me and the children so much he would never let anything come between us. How could I have been so wrong? Right now, I don’t know what I’m going to do. What do you advise?
– Deeply Hurt
Dear Deeply Hurt,
I will never probably be able to imagine the pain, shame, hurt and anger you are still experiencing from this man whom you considered “a wonderful husband”.
It is clear that he never took the sanctity of marriage seriously and probably never will. For 14 out of 15 years he has been unfaithful.
What advice do you need me to give that you don’t already know? You’ve got to make your decision after you’ve taken everything into account, including the children and your emotions.
If he wants to have therapy, that’s fine, but the decision you make must also hinge on if you are willing to forgive, whether the damage he has caused is irreparable, and whether you can trust him again. Only you can answer these questions for yourself.
In case you have not yet done so, you should also get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. Make this a priority. Whatever you do, make sure it is what will make you happy.
– CHRISTINE
