RICHARD’S SELFIE MADE ME BLUSH. As I dined by myself at Apsara yesterday, checking emails on my cell, I realised that his selfie was self-explanatory.
Not being able to shelve different things in different compartments, the selfie found itself consuming my thoughts, words and deeds. It was as if I ate, drank and masticated with the other self: the one above me. After a shellfish appetiser, I ordered the hottest rice on the menu, so as to blame the blushing on the basmati.
Reader, take a look above. Not you, me. See Hoadie? How innocent he looks, facing forward, while nonchalantly staring into space, with a sort of subliminal, sexy insouciance! Well, cast your mind’s eye on a full-bodied red, waiting to be sipped. Like the wine I was imbibing, Hoad’s impish expression seemed destined to intoxicate. It was all too consuming. I returned the merlot and asked for a Coke instead. Thank you for the Valentine’s gift, Dick Hoad. It was a surprise, totally unexpected and coming early.
In this age of technology, you don’t have to be a big-up graphic expert like Julia Harewood to make yourself look thinner, blacker (according to Mac – not the make-up but the Fingall – the blacker I am, the purer I am, so I don’t want to look too pale!) or even taller. In fact, some of my friend’s selfies don’t even look like themselves! With all the photo-shopping and free apps available, I didn’t even recognise my own self when Andrew sent me a photo of us in Bath! It was only while in the shower that I recalled where the photo was taken and came to the conclusion that the woman in the pic was me!
Let’s take Olivia Pope – the Scandal woman, played by actress Kerry Washington. While her selfie would probably have looked more like herself, InStyle magazine apparently took its March cover-photo in lighting that was so bright, Washington’s complexion was about fifty shades lighter. Talk about shame and scandal for the magazine, who came out with a public statement, an ostensible apology.
By the way, I see Fifty Shades Of Grey is out. I don’t think it will be my cup of tea, but I going to see what the hype is all about. Plus, I have the book. Note I say, “have” and not “have read”. The reason for this possession is because Carol Roberts and the staff at Starcom decided one day to get a gift for my birthday. Smartly, Carol asks, “So Vee, what kind of books are you into?”
Without knowledge of their celebratory clandestine purchase, I said, “Biographies and business, Carol. The one thing I can’t stand is the silly sex stories, like Fifty Shades Of Grey.” Sudden so, Carol exited and selflessly sprinted down River Road. Twenty minutes later, I was presented with two contrasting publications: the aforementioned kinky novel and 7 Habits of Highly Successful People.
Note to self: send email to Hoad’s Sandy Lane friend, perhaps with selfie included.
Veoma Ali is an author, broadcaster, advertising exec and, most important, a karaoke lover.
