HEATHER KELLMAN has always known that she was attracted to women.
And she makes no apologies for considering herself the “butch” in her relationships.
So it is not surprising that last year when she took Angela as her wife, Angela also took Heather’s surname.
The same-sex couple was married in the state of Iowa, in the United States two years ago and Heather recently came back to Barbados to introduce her wife to her family.
The SUNDAY SUN caught up with the couple on Tuesday at St Lawrence Gap, the day before they returned to St Louis, Missouri, where Heather, 37, and Angela, 34, live with Angela’s three children.
“I am Angela Kellman!” was how Angela proudly introduced herself, holding out her hand with an engagement ring and wedding band. 
Heather, a well known taxi driver, has spent the past week showing off her wife to her family and friends, as well as introducing her to Barbadian culture.
The couple met on the Internet four years ago.
While Angela jokingly comments that Heather was stalking her on the Internet, Heather explained that she was taking a trip to Missouri in 2011 and decided to connect with people living there on the social website, Tag.
“I didn’t know anyone there and as I am gay and I know down there is mostly a white community, I tried to meet some other gay people and I reached out to people on Tag. A lot messaged me back and she was one who responded and it was she and I that kept in contact.”
A few days after arriving in Missouri, she contacted Angela about meeting her at a gypsy caravan sale but the plan fell through. Yet, as fate would have it, they ended up meeting at another mall, by chance, that same day.
Angela recalled that she was hanging out with some friends when she recognised Heather from her photos online.
“I told my friends she looks familiar and I told one of my friends go see if that was Heather.
Oblivious that she was being watched, Heather said she was actually lost when a guy approached and asked if she was Heather. “I said ‘yea’ and he said my friend thinks she knows you. When I looked back there were three girls and he pointed to Angela. She was the most attractive one,” Heather laughingly declared.
While admitting that they dated casually, Heather pointed out that they were each in different relationships and when she returned to Barbados, they lost contact for a while.
Getting closer
When Heather made a second trip to Missouri, this time with her Bajan girlfriend, she stayed at Angela’s house, where they found themselves getting closer.
It was only after they had each had break-ups in their individual relationships that they got together, finally getting married in Iowa in October 2013, because same- sex marriage was not yet legalised in St Louis.
It is Angela’s second marriage.
Her first marriage was to the father of her three children, two girls and a boy, ages, 14, 12 and nine.
Of her transition to same-sex relationships, Angela reveals that it was her husband who picked up that she had a liking for the female sex.
“My husband used to tell me that I was gay. While we were married, he used to tell me ‘you know you don’t want to be with me; you like women, right?’ I used to say ‘O please! Whatever! Why would I be married to you?’
“However, after their divorce, she found herself leaning towards the fairer sex.
“I was online one day and this girl messaged me and we were talking off and on and one day she asked me if I wanted to meet up. We met at one of the malls and after that we just started dating. She was really nice and sweet – she eased me into everything . . . .”
But this daughter of a preacher battled emotionally over her growing attention to women.
“I was still saying to myself this ain’t right. I grew up in a strong Christian home; my father is a preacher, so it took me a while to be like, this is me.”
As to her children accepting her lifestyle, Angela confessed that because of their Christian upbringing as well, they think it is a sin. “I don’t think they have accepted it. I think they are pretty much whatever mama wants. They understand but we don’t clash on it.”
From Heather’s perspective, the children have accepted it, even calling her their second mom.
“As long as they are happy and their mother is happy, them cool,” she says reassuringly.
Heather’s story is the opposite of her wife’s. She had no struggle with her sexuality, recognising from a very young age that she was attracted to females, but she also grew up in a Christian home and that was the source of her struggles as well.
Struggled
“I was always attracted to girls. I came up in the church, me and my three sisters. I can quote every verse for you in the Bible. It ain’t something I just came out and do; because of my faith, I struggled with it real long and real hard. I prayed and prayed to the point where my mother used to tell me I gwine send myself mad . . . .”
But even before she got into relationships with women, Heather said people labelled her as gay because of her manner of dress – jeans, T-shirts, or long sleeved shirts and sneakers.
“After I came out, people used to say ‘why you gay? A man hurt you?’ It ain’t got anything to do with a man hurting me. I had a boyfriend but it was always in me.”
She also confided to her mother about her much frowned upon lifestyle. “My mother didn’t believe it at first, but she accepts me for me.”
Ironically, when asked about her views on legalising same-sex marriages in Barbados, Heather revealed she was totally against it.
“Barbados is kind of a Christian belt, even when I was here I know my lifestyle was not accepted. I didn’t cram it down people’s throats – you would never see me walking in town holding hands with a girl . . . .
“I think everybody has a right to live how they want to live, but I from the old school too. And to be honest, I don’t want to see gay marriages happen for the mere fact a lot of gay people in Barbados ain’t serious. I just feel that they would make a mockery of it and because of our Christian values – there is a saying God is a Bajan – so let it remain as that.”
While Angela’s father is unaccepting of her lifestyle to the point where they don’t speak anymore, she said her mother has come around and has embraced the marriage.
Their two years of marriage has not been easy since Heather was unable to work. However, they found a balance by Heather basically looking after the children and the home, while Angela went out working.
With Heather’s strong and dominant personality and Angela being more reserved and shy, they feel they are a perfect fit.
“This is a growing-old-together marriage if it is God’s will,” Heather says smiling, as she warmly embraces her wife.
