EVERY WEEK I read with interest your column as it relates to the break-up of relationships, where women and men write of their pain and suffering regarding being in love or being hurt by their other half.
But I wonder why women or men who are horned constantly continue to blame the woman or man with whom their partner is cheating.
I want these individuals to open their eyes and stop blaming the wrong people for what has gone wrong in their relationship. Some of these very complainers are at times solely to blame for what has gone wrong, but fail to admit their wrongdoings.
I am writing this letter because I am guilty of blaming what people called “the outside woman for the break-up of my relationship”. I was so intent on destroying her life, just as I felt mine had been destroyed, that I set out to do whatever harm I could to her, all the while making excuses for my man to my friends and enemies.
It all started when I came across some information relating to my man and a woman. At first it seemed as though she was the one who wanted him and was chasing him. But I was so blind that I kept closing my eyes to what was going on. On coming in contact with the information, I decided to do everything in my power to discredit, embarrass and humiliate her.
I called her all hours of the day and night; spoke very negatively of her to my friends, describing her by all the worst names one could think of. I made it my business to follow her around. I attempted at one time to have a confrontation with her in the middle of Broad Street.
When that didn’t work, I continued to get my friends and myself to follow her and curse her, all the time trying to embarrass her. I went to her home and knocked on her door and when she answered I cursed her and tried to make a scene in front of her neighbours.
All this time, I told my man nothing. Whenever he came home, I made sure he had something to eat, gave him sex as he wanted it, and took him out to various places.
Prior to my finding out that my man had an outside woman, I thought all was well. I didn’t see anything wrong with my relationship, and I kept asking myself why he went out to find a woman.
All this time that I was being an angel to my man, I was being a devil to this woman.
But the outside woman never did anything to me; she never called my home or my workplace. I never heard that she said one bad thing about me. This went on for about two years.
Then one day I was speaking to my very close friend about the situation, and she pointed out something to me that I would wish to share now with whoever is reading this story.
She asked me, “What are your reasons for destroying this woman?” I said because she got my man. Then she told me something that made me sit up straight.
She asked me: “What do you know about that woman? What has that woman ever done to you? Can she make your man do what he does not want to do? Is she the one who is supposed to be in love with you? Could your man have had other women even before this one that you found out about? You need to go and deal with your cheating man. He is the one that is hurting you, not this woman.”
My friend said the woman might not even have been aware that he was involved with me until I started harassing her, and that I was wrong for what I was doing to her.
I got angry with my friend. I even accused her of taking sides with this woman. All the time my friend didn’t know who this woman was. But because I was in love with my man, I didn’t want him to leave me.
After thinking about what my friend said, I realised she was right.
As time went on, I knew they were still seeing each other, so when he came home I would quarrel, but he continued to see her. I would call her phone 30 and 40 times a day. I even told her something that on reflection no woman, no matter what, should tell another.
Then I did something that was so awful that I am too embarrassed to speak about. Looking back I was stupid. My behaviour was disgusting, but worst of all was the pain and suffering I caused that woman. She was in no way responsible for what had gone wrong in my relationship.
You see, a little while ago I did something bad to my man, and all the while I thought he had forgiven me, but he hadn’t. So I guess when someone came along that was nice to him or that he felt he could have trusted, he started to have a relationship with her.
Some men are also stupid, because he wanted me over her though I had done something to him. He also knew all the things that I would have done to both him and her, yet he would still come home and have sex. I would also spend all the birthdays with him, the Crop Overs, the Christmases, and so on – so it seemed that this woman was getting nothing, and I decided to continue holding on. But in the end he still left me for her.
So take my advice, ladies, leave those men alone and move on – you will find someone else. It is not worth lowering your dignity for. Stop finding excuses and start blaming your man for cheating on you; don’t blame the outside woman.
Go and deal with your cheating partner and leave the outside parties alone.
