DEAR CHRISTINE, GREETINGS! I am about to share a brief story of my life with you. I know you’ve heard from women like me hundreds of times before, but please do not judge me. Just give me a listening ear and advice.
For five long years, I happened to be the other woman in my “boyfriend’s” life. He was married, but I felt he was the perfect man for me. His wife knew about me but as he started to spend more time with me, she put a lot of pressure on him to make a choice.
After that, things changed. He began making promises. He told me as soon as his son turned 11 and sat the 11-Plus examination, his wife got herself together, found a job and a place to live, he would divorce her.
His son sat the exam, passed for a really great school and his wife found a decent job. Two years turned into three, four and then five years. I decided he was not going to get that divorce and so I ended the relationship.
Heartbreaking
The whole problem with this scenario is that we both work at the same subsidiary office, so we see each other every day and even have really great conversations. Exactly five months after I left him, he filed for divorce. Within seven months the divorce became final. Now that he is free, he is dating someone else, whom he told me he really loved.
Each day, it pains me to see that he could be so happy and carefree and I am the one fighting back the tears.
What makes my situation so heartbreaking is that two months ago I met a young woman at a function and his name came up during the course of the conversation. She casually said to me that he was seeing her sister for about two years. I could not believe my ears. All the while he was married and seeing me, he was also seeing someone else.
Call me foolish, but I still love this man. Although much time has passed, I still cry at times. I want to put him away from my thoughts, because I’ve never really been able to do so.
How can I make myself forget him when I still see him every day? Please give me some advice.
– L.J.P.
Dear L.J.P.,
Dry those tears, learn from your experiences, see this man for who he really is and get on with your life. If this whole episode has not taught you great lessons, you’ll never learn.
What made you think that if he was unfaithful to his wife, he would have been faithful to you? Even now, he’s probably seeing more than one woman. That appears to be his lifestyle. Don’t you get it at all?
Come on! You deserve better. Don’t you think so?
If you are employed at a sizeable conglomerate – I see that you both work at the same “subsidiary” – apply for a transfer if this can be done. That way you won’t be seeing this two-timer, or perhaps, I should say “three-timer”, every day.
Try to reorganise your life and your thoughts about this man. Take time to meet new friends, join a social group, get involved in volunteer work or take up a hobby. This will all be part of changing the routine you’ve probably been accustomed to and finding some more time for you.
Love yourself more than you love this man. And next time a married man comes calling, do not open the door to your heart. If you are “the chaser”, you also have the responsibility to leave married men alone.
Learn, let go and move on.
– CHRISTINE
