DEAR CHRISTINE: I AM 21 years old and currently have a fairly well-paying job. I have been living with my boyfriend, whom I shall call S.H, and his dad for the past year and two months. My boyfriend is my best friend and I am very much in love with him.
Here is my issue: I am quite ready to face the real world by getting our own place. S.H, who is 24 years old, could not care less. We have had some arguments about this, but he seems unwilling to move out.
There are three of us in a one-bedroom apartment. We have the bedroom, and his father sleeps in the living room. This is just not convenient. When I would rather stay up late or just hang around, we both have to go to bed early; even when we are not ready.
I love interior decorating and cooking, and long to have my own kitchen.
As it is right now, not only is there a lack of privacy, but hardly any place for my things.
I am ready to leave this nest, but my boyfriend is not. I just think he is spoilt. He works part-time but his dad still gives him money and we do not have to contribute to rental payments.
My boyfriend thinks we are living the dream and does not understand my desire for independence.
What should I do? I do not want to lose him if I leave and I am not sure he’d join me anyway.
– Ready to Roll
Dear Ready to Roll:
You need to do just what your signature suggests. If you are ready to roll, get out of the nest and find your own place.
You may be very much in love with your boyfriend but at the same time you need different things. You want a home and he’s content with just a bedroom.
Usually, one hears about “a mommy’s boy”, but clearly your boyfriend is “a daddy’s boy” who would rather stay in the nest, receive “an allowance” of some sort, and emotional support from his father.
You’re the one who must make the decision. As “good a set up” as it seems financially, it’s not the best of living arrangements. Perhaps, if both of you were saving to purchase your own home, I could see the benefit of staying put, but that does not appear to be the plan. In fact, I don’t see a plan at all. I’m also surprised that your boyfriend’s father has settled for sleeping on the couch. He’s definitely a “one-of-a-kind” father.
My dear, don’t put your life on hold waiting for your boyfriend to grow up. It could take quite a long time before that happens. Leave if you must and let your relationship take its course from there.
– CHRISTINE