Dear Christine,
GREETINGS! I am sure you receive many letters from people telling you they are taken advantage of by friends, relatives, co-workers and neighbours. Why don’t these “victims” assert themselves and refuse to do that which makes them uncomfortable?
The people who drop in unannounced or those who freeload are not friends. They have their agendas and don’t stop for one second to consider the other person’s feelings.
I used to have a close friend until she asked me if she could borrow over $5 000 from me. Her request occurred less than three months after my husband was downsized from a corporation where he worked for 20 years. The friendship was never the same after I had to refuse her the loan.
My formula is simple: Choose people who treat you the way you treat them, which is with consideration and respect. Perhaps some people say “yes” too often because they do not wish to offend anyone. That’s why they often end up frustrated and resentful. Sometimes one simply has to say no, despite what the other person(s) may think. That’s their business. Many times I am there for people, but when it comes to their being there for me, it’s a whole new ball game.
Too many people are selfish. They only think about themselves. You can help them 364 days of a year, but as soon as you cannot help for one day, you become enemy No. 1. That’s not all. They really do not care about you, just what you can do for them.
I think some people who go the extra mile need to be stronger. They should simply say no when a no becomes necessary.
What do you think, Christine?
– R.L.
Dear R.L.,
I can only agree with you 100 per cent. There is a saying that no matter what good you do for some people, they will only see what they want to see in you (which is not always positive), and they will only believe what they want to believe.
The truth is, there are no real “supermen” or “superwomen” in the world. However, people expect you to fulfil those roles. Some people are just plain ungrateful.
Having said that, their ungratefulness or lack of understanding when others cannot fulfil their obligations usually gives others a true understanding of who they really are. I say that to say either way, the giver usually wins. We should never stop from doing good, but not to the detriment of ourselves. We ought to love ourselves also.
– CHRISTINE