Dear Christine,
ALLOW ME TO SHARE the following. I read your column often and have recently been especially interested in the way people respond to kind, fair treatment.
I am a 32-year-old young man who believes in good manners, politeness and courtesy. These are reasons why I enjoy opening doors, pulling out chairs, offering a hand in and out of cars and all the other small but significant signs of respect that women deserve.
My problem is, it’s difficult to find women my age who are receptive to what I consider common courtesy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been snapped at with: “I can open my own doors.” or, “I can get out of the car by myself.” My all-time favourite occurred recently in a nice restaurant as I stood up when my dinner partner was leaving the table. With a bewildered and condescending look, she said: “Do you have to stand up every time I do?”
It seems as though, in my generation at least, being considerate and showing respect for a woman is considered a sign of disrespect.
That being said, I am also disillusioned by the number of young people, particularly teenagers and younger adults, who do not have the manners to say “thank you” when a driver stops to allow them to cross the street, keeps a door open for them to enter or exit a building, or who do not speak on the street or when you enter a room where they are seated or standing. As a matter of fact, good manners and respect seem to be almost obsolete in this world of hi-tech smartphones, tablets and the World Wide Web. Everyone is caught up in their own little world.
You take someone to dinner and they sit and play with their cellphone all night long. You visit their home and it’s the same thing. I am totally fed-up and sometimes I think it is best not to speak. However, my parents did not bring me up that way. Mind you, I was not born in the heights or terraces, but in a simple village where everyone looked out for each other and parents/grandparents/adults taught you how to be polite.
As for dating, I was beginning to believe it’s better to be rude and inconsiderate on dates. However, I have no intention of changing my ways. My standards are set and anything less would be embarrassing for me. Are there any young women who appreciate “old-fashioned” manners?
– D.P.
Dear D.P.,
I am sure there are. Unfortunately, it’s a case where you are attracted to the wrong type of women, or you’ve just been plain unlucky up to this point.
We are living in an age where some women don’t necessary want to be viewed as “the weaker sex”. They want to be seen as “holding their own”, “on the same level as men” and they believe that being polite is an indication that you’re expecting some sexual favour in return. This may sound downright ridiculous, but it’s true.
Here’s hoping that you find that “old-fashioned-type” kind of woman who will appreciate you for who you are.
Regarding young people who find it hard to say a simple “thanks”, you are so true about their behaviour. What can anyone do about it? I’m not so sure. I guess parents, teachers and adults on the whole are going to have to play a greater role in teaching children how to be polite, respectful and mannerly.
The truth is, many mothers and fathers use foul language in front of their children, so that when the children do the same, they are not in a position to chastise them. Sadly, these children are growing up with the widely held view that it’s okay to “cuss” their parents, or “cuss” in front of them, and that good manners is a thing of the past.
All I’ll say is that it begins in the home. Like you, I appreciate some good “old-fashioned” manners as well.
– CHRISTINE
