Saturday, April 13, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE – Divorce often a life sentence

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Dear Christine,

MY PARENTS divorced more than 20 years ago. It was the greatest heartache anyone could ever go through.

Because they have never been able to put their bitterness aside, we relive the pain on every holiday, birthday and special occasion.

One of them has been absent from all of our graduations, weddings, children’s births, and so on, because the ex-spouse may be present.

I cannot begin to describe the disappointment of my college graduation and my wedding due to the absence of one of my parents.

Their anger and bitterness has affected all of us children in many ways. We struggle with depression, poor relationship choices and low self-esteem – all remnants of a childhood made difficult by divorce.

Divorcing couples and their families must understand that while the divorce is an end to the marriage, it can be a life sentence for the children. Children should never be expected to play favourites or choose sides, nor should the other family members of the divorcing couple.

 – P.H.

 Dear P.H.,

I agree with you 100 per cent. Children should not have to play favourites or choose sides when a divorce occurs in a family.

Your parents are acting like children and not grown adults. Well, to be honest, they are not even acting like children. When children are chastised they usually and quickly warm up to the adult/parent who did the chastising.

It is really a pity that you’ve had to deal with parents who harboured such bitterness and anger after all these years.

I can understand your situation, which is a sad one, but there is absolutely no advice I can offer, other that you tell your parents to start acting like adults.

Twenty years is far too long to carry a grudge or bitterness.

 – CHRISTINE

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