DEAR CHRISTINE, I got married only last year and it seems as though the marriage is on the rocks.
My husband reminded me that he was always a friendly man with a lot of his gang friends.
He also realised when we were going steady, that some of his friends were really only out to get all they could from him, especially as he seems to be the one they can always count on for a loan or to pay the taxi.
Now he has a car, they expect him to drive them wherever they want to go. Well, three weeks ago we had our first big row when he marched in – without warning – with two of his friends. It was evident that they were drinking before he got home. When the friends were gone, I said some very hurtful things to him.
He became very cold and although I have done everything possible to make up for it, he won’t discuss either the row or what caused it. He just says he feels differently about me now. I love my husband. We loved each other but now I feel so miserable and alone. Cana marriage really be over in such a short time?
– P.S
Dear P.S, Some marriages end on the honeymoon but I suspect yours is far from ending. Evidently, your husband has been absorbing your past objections, which, no doubt, got stronger as you succeeded in weaning him away from his old pals.
He has been toeing the line and on this one occasion, when he acted spontaneously, you pitched into him. That appears to have been the last straw.
He must have seen the wisdom in your early arguments and while he was able to see his friends for whom they are, he no doubt feels that he could be with them from time to time, but not let them take advantage of his generosity.
Help him to express how he feels about your attitude, even if you hear some unpleasant surprises. If you cannot get him to talk to you, write your feelings in a letter.
Admit you were needlessly harsh and promise to trust him to make his own judgements. Unless they are out rollers, let him know of your willingness to have those friends in your home, and when they do come, be gracious.
– CHRISTINE
