by
Philip Garnes
PART 1
So life is about as routine as it can get. You’ve got a steady job, in a cuddly relationship (take from that what you will), and are about as busy with the regular responsibilities revolving around adulting (and yes, I did not know that was a word).
Life is going alright, for all intents and purposes, and then, all of a sudden, your wife is pregnant. Oops! Welcome to my world. Now don’t get the wrong idea, it was definitely part of the plan as we were actively trying, but still it was quite the thud reaching such a discovery, especially after failing spectacularly for quite some time, a feat which I pinned entirely on myself, as I always felt I was a few bullets short of a full clip.
Once I managed to pick up my jaw off the floor, it quickly became a matter of processing this revelation.
Can I do this? Is my wife going to be okay?
Will twins show up? Will becoming a dad halt or drastically alter my other plans? Is second place my new position once the baby arrives?
These are among the downpour of questions that I assume has hit many a father, but interestingly enough, I had no time to entertain such, as my initial reaction was quite simply – disbelief. Literally. “Is this real?”, was my predominant response.
Everything happened so fast, it was insane. We instinctively decided on an at-home pregnancy test. I recall the kit’s instructions clearly stating one pink line for no, two pink lines for yes. I know the saying ‘real men wear pink’, but those two lines were so clear, I haven’t stopped seeing pink since.
It proves a bit difficult to remember the exact order of how things transpired at this point. But what I can say is there was plenty dialogue that followed between my wife and I. When should we announce this? Who should we tell first? Should we do a baby shower? Do we want to know the gender? Our relationship was already brimming with communication, and now it was all the usual riveting conversations, plus baby business.
Now, unless you live under a rock, everybody has either seen, heard, or encountered something baby-related. ‘Mek sure ya cova dey hed’, ‘dem does grow real fast’, or ‘why she holin’ de chile so?’ might be among these things. Regardless of your exposure to all things baby, one thing that stood out to me was – babies change everything – a very common statement I’ve heard long before we were pregnant.
I never believed it, furthermore, it got to the stage where I would reactively tell myself that it can’t be that drastic of a change, every time I heard it. Yes, relationships break down, finances might look paltry, sleep deprivation becomes your friend, the stories go on and on, but I was confident it was all a ploy to knock me off my cloud, where I sat blissfully ignorant enjoying my well crafted world.
But it’s okay, I’ve fallen from the heights and can clearly see that all those people were right, albeit with a little bit of pink. And oh, how right they were!
I have never been the quickest or sharpest tool in the shed, so I was quite taken aback when I really understood what that statement meant. For some reason I only thought it spoke to after the baby was born, but not once did it occur to me that it could apply to before baby is born. That’s right, this little unborn human was causing quite the stir, and it hadn’t even come out yet.
This to me had been the biggest revelation by far, that babies change everything, from conception to birth and beyond. Yes, I always knew you had to prepare for birth, but I wasn’t per se, prepared for a pregnancy, if you follow. It’s amazing the simplest things that escape you sometimes, but at least I learned something new, and I will always be committed to learning new things about myself and in general.
But let’s continue on this whirlwind of a ride. Forget Corona – doctor visits, scans and testing became the new norm. It felt like we ate, slept and breathed appointments, as around every corner was yet another to-do item on the baby schedule. And speaking of doctor visits, I decided to bow out of those, as my enthusiasm to be involved as much as humanly possible, was met with the jarring, matter of fact reality, that there was nothing I could actively do for the baby. I felt disengaged and helpless. I wanted to do so much but all I could do was sit and watch my queen do all the work. And being completely ignored by the doctor didn’t help my feelings any.
I had learned something new yet again, that women (if they so choose) are blessed with a wonderful privilege to experience the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth firsthand, and that alone, is their sole responsibility.
To harbour such feelings proved unprofitable though, so I had to regroup mentally and as a good friend of mine would tell me, get my life together. Acceptance was key moving forward and understanding my role was critical, and it did not take much to see where I belonged.
Being there for my love, and being the best husband possible for her, was the optimal approach. I had decided to experience this pregnancy by living vicariously through her, and continuing to keep her happy was a more feasible, tangible and immediate reward.
Space would not permit me to chat much further, suffice to say, there is a lot that goes into a pregnancy, let alone the birth of a baby. Twenty-two weeks in, and I’m still covered in disbelief, and while I can’t say that will change any time soon, all I can do for now is roll with the punches and savour each moment, for perhaps that is the apt and admirable attitude of an expecting father.
This is a true account of the thoughts and feelings of a new father to be, in real time. The baby is due in early April. The New Dad-to-be Chronicles continues next month.
SHOULD
WE DO A BABY
SHOWER?
DO WE
WANT TO
KNOW THE
GENDER?
