MOST BARBADIANS SAY that they believe in God and consider themselves good Christians.
But given my experiences, I firmly believe that many people do not understand or even care about what it means to treat others as well as they would like to be treated.
And the sad thing about it is that women are the most guilty of treating other women badly.
I say this because I have had a rough life and always needed someone at some stage to go that extra mile to ensure I succeeded. And most of the time I could always depend on another female for help.
When I was a child, my mother left me and my older sister with my grandmother and went to Canada to make something of her life. My granny was a good woman but poor and so I always was in need. I can remember days of going to school hungry and at night having to go to bed with my belly growling.
In primary school, a teacher realized how poor we were and helped us. She used to take my sister and me to her home on evenings and feed us. After we ate, we had to walk about a mile to get home – about 15 minutes.
When we went to secondary school, another teacher helped us out. In fact, that teacher, because she lived close to the school, used to take all of us poor children, about 17 of us, to her house and feed us while giving us free lessons.
Those two teachers only reward was to see us make something good of ourselves. They didn’t expect anything in return. In any case, none of us or our families had anything worthwhile to give to them.
Whenever my grandmother killed any of the fowls she kept, she would send one but that would never have been enough compensation for what those teachers did.
As a young woman growing up in the 1980s and working in a hotel, I wanted more for myself as I saw there were opportunities to be had. By then, my sister already had one child and she and my granny were always quarrelling. But my age-old problem was not having enough money.
I discussed my dreams with the accountant and she paid for me to do a correspondence course. She used to encourage me to come and stay by her house too. And I used to go because it was just she and I, and it used to be peaceful there.
After a few weeks though, I noticed a behaviour I did not like. She would tell me who to talk to at work and who not to speak to. In other words, her enemies had to become mine as well, and I should only talk with people she liked. And when I did not go along with her, she started calling me ungrateful and other names.
Within weeks of that, I had to get another job somewhere else because she became impossible to deal with. But worse than that, everything I told her in confidence – like about my sister’s relationships and so on – she began blabbing about.
As the years went by, I was always guarded what I said and to whom I said it, but even so, given my emotional state, I still tended to say more than I should, and it was always those I trusted most who would hurt me.
And this is what bothers me. Why do people who may have helped you think that they own you? Why do they think that they can run your life just because you may need their assistance?
I understand men wanting to have something on you for their own designs. If a man spends his money or time, he usually wants it back in kind. But why should women be like that as well?
We should hold together and help each other because too many of us have to suffer at the hands of men. We should always show why we are the fairer sex, and that we are better than men in every way.
What hurts me so much about this attitude is that I have heard other women talk about going through similar things. It is unbelievable that women can be so unkind to others.
Because of all of this, I am not married. I don’t trust anybody – men or women. I realize that friendship is just a word many people use but don’t live up to. I know for sure, too, that it’s one thing to hear someone say they love you but another to get them to care for you.
Don’t get me wrong – I am not saying there are not good people out there. It’s just that finding one who is genuine – man or woman – is nigh impossible these days.