Friday, April 19, 2024

MAVIS BECLKES:Violence is violence


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FOR a good few years now we have been hearing about the violence against women or spousal abuse towards women. But suh far, I have not heard anybody really come out and stan’ up fuh the abuse against men.
So this week I want tuh talk ’bout dat.
Now, I come from a very big family wid more boys than girls. I come along and see a loving father and mother. I grow up like a tomboy – rough and tumble as the old people used tuh say – meaning dat evahthing the boys do, we used tuh do too. The only thing we never used tuh do was fight like, or wid, the boys, but we grow up in we one another.
When we were growing up I could only remember one man who used tuh come home and pour some licks in he wife all the time. The truth is, I did hate tuh see he ’cause I used tuh say dat duh ain’t nuh kinda man who was mad enough tuh put he hand pon me all the time so, especially in front o’ my li’l children, ’cause what I would do wid he, he would have tuh think twice ’bout putting he hand pon anybody girl child evah again.
So growing up wid a very strong, assertive father and then seeing this other kind o’ badjohn father, we accepted dat the man was tuh be the head, or the boss, or the body who would, should and does have the final say in the house. Dat is why when I grow up and then started hearing ’bout men being abused in duh own homes by duh wives or duh women, it was more than a li’l foreign, even shocking tuh me.
 I gine be honest wid ya: I am not fuh violence in any form or fashion. I ain’t fuh nuh man beating up nuh woman; neither am I going tuh condone nuh woman hitting nuh man. Either way ya look at it, it wrong. That is just how I see it. Violence is violence nuh matter who is committing it. That is why we cahn only look at it narrow, man beating woman;  we got tuh look at it broader than dat – otherwise we gine miss the less obvious and hidden forms of abuse.
For example, a lot o’ women does beat men, hear? And look, the men doan say a word. I cahn tell you fuh a fact of a specific case ’bout here but I believe dat if a man was tuh sneak into a police station and report dat his wife or woman has been bussing he chops all the time, I believe duh got some police officers who would laugh at he. I know because of his ego and pride he would continue tuh endure the abuse so as not tuh have tuh go through something like dat again. Fuh sure, ya know he ain’t gine tell he friends nor he family.
Look, duh got a lot o’ badjohn women, ya know. Sometimes ya does hear dem talking and bragging tuh duh friends, ’cause ya know some women cahn keep duh mouts shut; duh got tuh brag. Duh does beat the men in more ways than one.
Some women does curse duh men stink, stink, stink because he might not be bringing in enough money. Duh does call the man all kinds o’ bad name and insult him both privately and publicly and put him down evah chance duh get. Dat is verbal abuse!
Then duh got some who does go pon the man worksite and bawl he out in front o’ he friends and work colleagues, sometimes throw drink or something in he face or pon he clothes just tuh embarrass he. Or duh like tuh tek up duh hand and wring a slap in a man face anywhere or kick he under a table.  Some o’ dem does stop the man from going out anywhere, even if he only going tuh see he old mother or family. Dat is physical abuse.
Some women suh jealous and possessive dat duh does try tuh control the type o’ clothes the man should wear, the amount o’ money he should spend even though he working fuh it. Duh does get vex as France if and when duh see he talking tuh certain women, duh want tuh tell the man who he should or should not talk tuh.
Some o’ duh does even guh suh far as threatening the man, telling he doan touch dem;  so duh withholding the sex, using it as a weapon and instead o’ sleeping in the bed wid duh husbands, would go and sleep in one o’ the children small beds so dat the man won’t touch dem. Dat is emotional and sexual abuse.
Duh got another set o’ abusive women who would keep duh own money and make the man pay fuh evahthing even though dem might be wukking fuh much more money than he. And whatevah the children want, would tell dem ask duh father.
Dat is financial abuse.
So you see it ain’t only ’bout a man beating up a woman or a woman hitting a man, it broader and bigger. Some o’ the other forms of abuse is much more dangerous than dat. In Proverbs 18: 14, it says, “A wounded or crushed spirit, who can bear?”.
Mavis Beckles was born and raised in the Orleans. she has an opinion on everything.


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