Tuesday, April 16, 2024

DE MARKET VENDOR: Going green –  I say bring the brown pants!


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Many years ago a much feared captain sailed de Caribbean where pirates roamed and when life could be lost in an instant at de end of a sword or de barrel of a gun – just like today!
De captain was a boss and defeated all comers. He had a faithful assistant who was de lookout from de bow. Whenever de boy servant see a pirate ship looming he would alert El Jeffe, who would confirm de sighting and issue de following orders to de youngster: “Boy bring me my red shirt!”
After successfully defeating de enemy in de first couple of battles, de youngster asked El Jeffe: “Capitan, why every time we gine into battle you does wear de red shirt?” “Because,” said de captain, “iffing I injured I don’t want de men to be worried by de sight of my blood flowing. De red shirt would hide de blood and dem would fight on!”
One day de assistant raise de alarm: “Pirate ship, captain.” Then, wid he voice quivering, he holler: “Another pirate ship, and another and another.” Climbing de mast at top speed, de Captain confirmed the worst fears. He was surrounded by six pirate ships. When he hit de deck, he assistant ask: “Captain, bring out de red shirt?” “No son,” came de reply. “Bring out my brown pants!”
Dese days in Bubbadus, de preferred colour is definitely not red! Green is de new colour and Government in de Throne Speech announce we gine transform de Bubbadus economy by going green, saving hundreds of millions of dollars in foreign exchange and turning Bubbados into a renewable energy paradise, wid tax credits fuh businesses dat go green and households that switch too. I blame de NATION newspaper and Harold Hoyte. He went and start dis greening Bubbadus ting years ago. Now even Freundel greening!
When I was small, my mudder always wanted me to eat my greens. De Irish love anything green – it is de national colour. Years ago I see a girl in a green dress and nearly buckle at muh knees.  
Over de years green became a favourite colour fuh de Vendor. De other day I went to de doctor and he too say: “Market, eat more greens.” So I went by Thomas Harris new place in de Gap, and I eat a Thai green curry! I not sure dat was what de doc had in mind, but he did say eat more greens. I got green pants, green shirts, a house dat paint green. Look, one time I even had a green car. But old people in Bubbadus would tell yuh dat green is bad luck.
Dese days in Bubbadus police warning de public not to wear jewel’ry ’cause we got a epidemic of robberies related to cash fuh gold. Over a million dollars in jewel’ry get steal so far fuh dis year, wid police saying it could reach six million by yearend.
Bubbadus at junk bond status worldwide; VAT at 17.5 per cent; cost of living cost you more, not less; light bills gone mad; water rates so high sharing a bath might now be de best option; de middle class bawling; de CLICO policyholders don’t see no light; Al Barrack still waiting to get pay; doom and gloom wherever yuh look. Bubbadus going green, but de way things look dese days we like de captain pun de ship, so I say, “Bring the brown pants!”
I, Market Vendor, gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?


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