Dear Christine,
I have been in love with a guy for two years but he has had another girlfriend for seven years.
He tells me all the time that I am going to have him for myself – but it’s just a matter of time. I know that he loves me.
He gives me anything I want, including money every Friday, even though he gets paid monthly. I am independent as I have a very good office job. Still, he offers me his money to buy groceries every weekend, as I live alone.
When I ask him about the other girl, he gets annoyed and when we have sex, he tells me all kinds of things about her. Yet, he won’t leave her. All he says is “have patience”.
Sometimes when he comes to my home and wants to have sex and I am not in the mood, he questions me about who I saw before he came by and even wants to beat me up.
I cannot talk to another man for him to see or else it is licks. He stopped me from getting a lift home with a male workmate and now he passes me on the way to the bus terminal and just waves his hand when he has the other girl in the car.
Christine, he eats and sleeps at me. He takes me to work on mornings but takes the other girl home on evenings. This sort of relationship is giving me headaches and often I cannot do my work.
I love this guy very much and don’t really want to leave him, but I feel I have to. I told him this and he begged me not to.
My best friend advised me to get out of the situation because I am too nice a person to be treated this way. Please tell me if I should be patient?
– F.F.
Dear F.F.,
You have me angry. Really, you do!
I am angry because you have allowed this man to enslave you and tell you what you should and should not do even though you boast of being an independent woman. What this man is doing is playing a psychology stunt on you.
I have to come to the conclusion that you are gullible. He’s buying you with all the money and gifts he is offering and you’re taking his money each time, even though you know he is seeing someone else. Open your eyes.
The hold this man has on you is that you are spending his money and accepting his offerings. This means you owe him – big time. You are indebted to him.
That’s why when he comes around and you’re not in the mood to have sex, he get angry and wants to know who you’ve been with.
That’s also why you cannot talk to another man for him to know (even though he has another woman) and why you have to walk your way home on evenings when you would love to take that innocent ride from a colleague.
It’s also why he wants to beat you up and why he can come by and eat and sleep as he wishes.
He has invested in you, but it’s only a down payment so he can enjoy the sweets without having to pay the full cost.
When he is ready to dump you, he would have enjoyed the benefits of the hire purchase deal and accepted the loss because it does not matter to him. He has someone to fall back on.
You asked if you should be patient. I say a big “no”.
If he talks to you about this woman, someday he will be talking to another person about you. If he was really serious about you, he would have dumped the other woman long ago.
My advice to you is to stop taking this man’s money, especially since you do not really “need” it.
If you truly want to leave him, as you claimed, that’s the first step you must take. When you do that he’ll have no other hold on you.
Try keeping yourself together until you find someone who is free. This man is not.
– CHRISTINE
