Thursday, April 18, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: Confusion a sign all not right


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Dear Christine,

I am replying to the letter by “Confused” published in your May 1 edition.

I would like to encourage him. I have heard of many women who have been virgins even to 100 years old.

I have heard of some younger men who are, but was not aware of any aged 37 years old.

Dear Confused,

I believe you are an exceptional young man with instilled Christian values of purity and self-control. In this current age, it is unheard of and you quite rightly have said people are taken aback at such a revelation.

Concerning your current predicament, which has led you into a state of confusion, the decision is ultimately yours, as you will have to live with yourself and the decision you make.

I don’t think any relationship that is God’s best should leave you confused. Quite the contrary: you should be at peace once you are certain that God is central in it.

 I know your desire would be to honour your mother, as Scriptures have charged us. Whether you agree or not, your parents have your best interests  at heart.

The fact that you have sought help in making your decision and, even though you are “in love”, speaks to what is commonly known – that being in love is not enough to make the decision concerning who will be your life partner.

I feel it is good to step back and really pray and contemplate this decision as it can have consequences for what is God’s will for your life.

Being unequally yoke in matters of belief, values, character, drive and ambition can be devastating. Marriage should not be entered hastily, but for the right reasons.

I fully understand what you have gone through as I am a virgin at 40 years old. As time goes, it is increasingly difficult to make the right decision in light of the fact that it is your desire to marry, have sex and children within the confines of marriage.

At times the desire for companionship is so strong that I myself have lowered my standards in whom I have dated. However, despite my bad choices, I am still unmarried.

Please hold fast to God’s promises that He loves you and wants the very best for you. Do not compromise.

There are Christian organisations like Pure Sex and Family Heartbeat Ministries that can help you with your decision to get a second opinion concerning the relationship with this woman. I could have compromised many times but I am holding on to God for His very best.

God’s Word has said He can give us immeasurably more than we can hope for or desire and His will is perfect and pleasing. With God leading you, I am certain He will direct your life according to His will and purpose for your life.

I could have been married – but to an unbeliever. I could have had sex – but outside of marriage. My desire is to marry a man who has a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus so that we both have a personal relationship with our God and God is first in our lives. Out of this relationship the physical desires for sexual intimacy would be realised and the desire to be parents hopefully fulfilled.

Trust God to provide you with all that you need. The God we serve is able to do it.


I don’t mind you publishing this letter of encouragement for the young man and I don’t mind you sharing my email with him if he requests it. Thank you.

– TB

Dear TB,

Thanks for sharing. I will pass on your information if requested.

– Christine

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