Dear Christine
Two years ago, I met a beautiful girl, which resulted in immediate sexual intimacy. This has continued on and off for the past two years while she lives with her boyfriend.
I have put up with this, but now I’ve changed and really have deep feelings of affection for her, ones that have nothing to do with the physical/sexual aspect.
We have finally begun communicating with each other. She says her boyfriend means nothing to her, that they are just friends even though he wants to marry her. She does not want to but might because of her financial situation: She does not work and has relied on men to support her all her life.
She is now 30 years old. I feel she wants to move in with me, which might be all right,except I want more than just to support her –I want emotional involvement. I told herrecently that I don’t want to see her againuntil she gets rid of the boyfriend. I told herthat I’d help her to find a job, relieving at least part of her financial problems. Do you thinkthis is a wise move?
I want her to want me for me, and not for the financial security I might provide. Am I beingtoo fearful?
– FEARFUL SHE LEAVES
Dear Fearful She leaves,
Maybe you’re not being fearful enough.If she’s 30 and never held a job,what are the odds that she’s goingto keep, or even take, one she’s offered?And once she’s moved in with you, with no other means of support, are you really going to throw her out on the street?
This sounds like a risky venture, inwhich you are likely to get burned. Assuming the odds of this woman turning into the love of your life are, at best, 50/50, is she worth the gamble? Only you can make that decision, but I think you’re absolutely right to be wary.
– CHRISTINE