Sunday, April 14, 2024

DEAR CHRISTINE: Not-virgin not enough for mother


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I AM a 37-year-old male who has never been sexually active. I know that some people would want to snigger at this and wonder what on earth is wrong with me.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with me. I was brought up by strict parents to be more concerned about my spiritual life than my physical life. I studied hard, secured a good job and kept in tune with my spiritual convictions.

While I have never had sex, I have had two close female friends over the years who understood my decision not to have sex outside of marriage. Neither of them was keen on getting married and so we parted and maintained our friendship over the years.

I recently met and fell in love with a woman from another country. During our early conversations I discussed with her that I had never been sexually intimate with anyone and she was quite taken aback. This woman has a ten-year-old son from a previous relationship.

We decided that since we cared deeply about each other, we would wait until we became husband and wife even though, obviously, she is not a virgin.

My mother, however, has expressed her disapproval about the marriage. She is of the view that this woman is not good enough for me because of her previous relationships.

Christine, I have been thinking more and more about what my mother has expressed and I am quite confused now about marrying this woman, who I really love.

What is your take on the matter?


Dear Confused,

There is no reason whatsoever to be confused. You are your own man and you are free to make whatever decision you want to. It appears that your parents still have too much control over your life.

If you love this woman and you are comfortable with the fact that she already has a son, go ahead and marry her.

If you are in doubt about marrying her at this stage, give yourself enough time to think through the matter (minus your mother’s objections).

If this woman has stayed the course of the relationship without any sexual involvement, it is an indication that she too is serious about her commitment to you. Some women would have wished you goodbye long ago.

Do not be swayed by the opinions of others. Be a man and do what you know is best for you. Nobody’s perfect!



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